


Something to Prove

by Cryo_Bucky



Series: Something to Prove [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - No Powers, M/M, Mpreg, Omega Steve, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Surrogacy, War Veteran Bucky Barnes, alpha bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-07-24 17:13:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 23,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7516423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cryo_Bucky/pseuds/Cryo_Bucky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Omega!Steve is the surrogate for Alpha!Bucky's baby, and he is definitely not going to fall in love with a man that wants nothing to do with a mate. It's just his job to provide a baby. He can do this, right?<br/>This work is also available translated into 中文, link in the first chapter!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The One Where Steve Gets Knocked Up

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [以愛為證](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7757620) by [abbabccd05](https://archiveofourown.org/users/abbabccd05/pseuds/abbabccd05)



> Based off a tumblr prompt for @ohmyomegasteveandalphabucky who I now mod for <3  
> I decided to go with post-serum Steve and Veteran Buck for no real reason other than I wanted to. Steve's transformation is explained and helps add credence to the story (I hope) and I wanted Bucky to have a flaw and here we are. Hope that it satisfies!  
> Work translated into 中文, available at /7757620/chapters/17689624

Steve liked his job; he was good at it despite what people might think upon seeing him. He’d already bore three pups for families that were infertile, and he loved how happy he could make them. He was respected in his position, and it paid well. Flipping through the files on his desk he mused to himself why an alpha like James Barnes would want to enlist a surrogate. The agency matched surrogates to families based on physical and genetic compatibility, and Steve had the option to turn the clients down if he didn’t think they were a good choice. That was one of the reasons he had decided to stay with this agency, they gave him a lot of choice in how he used his body. 

This alpha was an anomaly for their usual clientele. Most of the people they got in were infertile couples, or those that had some underlying health issue that they were scared would affect their child. There was also the occasional person who just didn’t want to carry a child and was rich enough for someone to carry it for them, but Steve was glad he didn’t have to deal with them often. James however was none of those things. He seemed perfectly capable of finding himself a mate and settling down. Why enlist a surrogate? There was no explanation in the clinical-sounding assessment in his file, but Steve was intrigued. 

A short email to his office later and he was scanning the file again. He wanted to know, there was no way that he would carry a child he didn’t think would be loved and doted upon. Not that there was any inclination that James would be a bad father. He had siblings, and seemed like he would be great with kids. There was also the fact that he didn’t have a mate. Every time Steve had carried in the past he’d purely been the oven for someone else’s bun. An unmated alpha meant that this child would be partly his as well, and that made Steve’s stomach twist in a way that surprised him. He could do this right? They wouldn’t have sent him the file if they didn’t think he was right for the job. There was always the chance that Bucky would turn him down. They still had the rest of the selection process to go through, maybe he was worrying himself for nothing. It wouldn’t be the first time someone had decided against him, he held nothing against those that chose to go with someone else. 

Steve had volunteered for an experimental round of drugs a few years ago. It had been intended to increase the fertility of affected omegas, as well as making them more capable of carrying to term. Before he had been small and sickly, his lungs always threatening to collapse and his heats spotty of non-existent. The drugs had worked better than anyone had expected. He was now strong, stronger than most of the alphas he knew, and bigger too. His health had made a complete 180, and he’d had absolutely no complications with any of the children he’d been surrogate for. However the serum had been deemed too unstable, and while he’d been cleared, the testing had come to a halt as people questioned the viability of such a wonder drug. Steve didn’t understand people’s reluctance, but he was mostly just glad to be able to breathe freely for the first time in his life. Still, there were some families that took one look at him and decided to go with someone else. He never blamed them, he’d never fit the mold of soft and sweet omegas that most people expected when they though of someone to surrogate for them. Knowing he was good at his job was enough for him, no matter how many people chose him. 

Regardless of his intrigue of this newest client Steve knew the odds of him being chosen were fairly low, and he was alright with it.  
His computer chirped and he clicked open the reply to his email. Hill was always working. He’d never in his life gotten email responses faster than after they’d hired her as the main coordinator for their office. She had already emailed Barnes and would let him know when they could meet. If everything went well they could schedule an appointment to get the show on the road. 

Steve flushed with excitement at the prospect of carrying again. As much as he liked his new body, he was happiest when he was pregnant, the back pain and morning sickness be damned. 

Wandering aimlessly around his apartment Steve tidied up a bit, washing the dishes from that morning and opening up the windows to let in the spring air. He decided to text Sam, already worried about over-thinking the whole situation before lunch. 

Unfortunately Sam was stuck at work all day, though he promised to take Steve out to celebrate once he found out whether or not he’d been selected. 

Steve paced a bit more before he found himself in front of his easel. There were three half-finished paintings sitting beside it and Steve had been putting them off for no good reason. He wasn’t sure if he was in the mood to paint but there was nothing else for him to do today, so he gathered his supplies and set to work. 

He’d gotten so absorbed into his painting that he jumped when his phone buzzed, smearing the building he’d been trying to detail into the one next to it. His muttered curses cut off once he saw it was another email from Maria Hill. Barnes had gotten back to her already, and wanted to meet tomorrow. Tomorrow? That was so soon. Maybe the alpha was in a rush, or maybe he was just excited, Steve sure was. 

 

The next morning came quickly but the nerves in Steve’s chest came faster. He was always nervous when it came to meeting new clients, but something about James made him even more nervous than usual. He stuffed his phone in his pocket and checked himself again in the mirror before he could leave. They’d agreed to meet at a diner not that far from Steve’s apartment, so he decided he could walk instead of take his bike. Walking cleared his head anyway, and he’d managed to work off the worst of his nerves by the time he reached the diner. 

He spotted James in the corner, maneuvering his way through the tables and sitting across from him. The alpha was staring at him, confusion clearly written on his face. 

“You’re Steve?”

Steve held out his hand to shake, a friendly smile on his lips. “Nice to meet you, James.” 

“Bucky. Only my ma calls me James.” 

“Bucky…” Steve rolled the name around his mouth. It did seem to fit the man in front of him better than James. 

“You’re not really what I was expecting.” Bucky ran his fingers through his hair to push it back from his forehead, licking his lips. He had a hair tie around his wrist and Steve figured that if it wasn’t pushed back his hair would be just long enough to pull up. 

Steve shrugged. “But I’m here. I’m good at my job, and that’s what you wanted right?” 

Bucky licked his lips again, definitely a nervous tic. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just figured you’d be… a pretty, curvy, soft-spoken type of omega.” 

Steve chuckled. “Sorry to disappoint. I can recommend you to someone else.” 

Bucky sputtered, embarrassment coloring his cheeks. “That’s not what I meant either.” His fingers crawled toward his hair again. “You’re perfect, like, too perfect.” He looked over at Steve from under his eyelashes. “I guess I didn’t know what to expect.” 

Steve forced himself to relax. Being prickly wasn’t going to make a good impression, and Bucky seemed like a nice guy, if a little un-informed. “Tell me about yourself then Bucky.”

Bucky shrugged, his left shoulder didn’t move much, and it looked like he was favoring it. 

“I’m not very exciting. Uh…” He sighed, his shoulders slumping a bit. “I got back from a tour in the Middle East about a year ago and I’ve been readjusting to life.” He shifted enough to bring his left arm up. “This happened.” 

Steve blinked, trying not to stare at the intricate prosthetic arm. It was amazing, the artist in him wanting to touch and admire the shine of the metal in the dim diner lights. He could tell that Bucky was self-conscious about it. “Your file didn’t say anything about you being a soldier.” 

Bucky shrugged again, his gaze down on the table. “I guess I didn’t tell them to update it. I applied as soon as I got back, and it just took this long for them to get to me.” 

Steve sighed. “I’ll have to tell the agency. There are some things that need to be considered.” 

Bucky looked up at him, hope in his steel-blue eyes. “They won’t disqualify me, will they? I got cleared by a lot of therapists and I make enough money to support a child.” He chewed his lip again. “I just want a child… I don’t want a mate, I can’t… People just see me as a mess. I had siblings and I love kids, I just want a child…” 

Steve felt his chest squeeze at the pain in Bucky’s eyes. It was clear that this was important to him; important enough for him to be this scared of rejection. Not being taken seriously was something that Steve was all too familiar with. Without thinking he reached out and touched Bucky’s flesh hand, pulling away when the Alpha jerked in shock. 

“They won’t disqualify you. I can vouch for you.” 

Bucky looked back up at him, his eyes bright. “Really?” Color rose to his cheeks. “You’re a nice guy Steve, I’m lucky.” He pulled his gaze away when the blush made its way down his neck. “I uh, I didn’t do a lot of research on exactly how this works…” 

Steve chuckled. “Don’t worry, we’ll work out the specifics. This was just to see if we were compatible beyond what was in the file.” A small self-deprecating chuckle left his lips. “A lot of people react to me like you did. They don’t see me as what they expect so they decide to go with someone else.”

Bucky blinked at him. “People turn you down?” He seemed genuinely surprised. “I can’t believe anyone wouldn’t-” He snapped his mouth closed, his gaze turning inward again. “I’d be more than happy with you as my surrogate.” 

Steve felt the knot of worry in his chest disappear and he couldn’t help but grin. “Thank you Bucky.” 

The waitress came over to take their order. Bucky turned a flirtatious smile on her, pushing his hair back again. 

Steve spent most of lunch watching Bucky. He flirted with their waitress, a small smile on his lips, but his heart didn’t seem at all in it. It seemed like he was only flirting because he felt like he needed to. Steve had met alphas like him before, though they usually avoided him like the plague. Bucky didn’t strike him as that kind of alpha though, there was something about him that Steve wanted to understand. It was a bit like there were two men living in Bucky Barnes and he wanted to see which one of them was real. 

Bucky insisted on paying for their meal, wouldn’t take Steve’s protests seriously and handed the waitress his card before he could protest too loudly. Steve huffed, grumbling to himself as Bucky flashed another flirty smile at the waitress as they headed out into the newly busy street. 

Steve held out his hand again to shake. Most alphas wouldn’t shake his hand, either because of his nature or because they were intimidated by him. Sam said he was intimidating, but he didn’t’ really see it. Bucky however took his hand readily, giving a good shake before letting go, his smile reaching his eyes for once. 

“It was nice to meet you Steve. Hopefully I’ll be hearing from you soon.” 

Steve nodded, his smile mirroring Bucky’s. “It was nice to meet you too Buck.” 

Someone brushed past him on their way to the diner, a flush rising to his cheeks as he was nudged toward Bucky. This close he could smell the heavy alpha scent that clung to Bucky’s skin and he felt a flush rise to his cheeks. Bucky smelled amazing. He pushed away as soon as he could, hoping that he hadn’t made it awkward by invading Bucky’s space. 

“Ah, I’ll make sure that the agency calls you within a week.” He took another step back for good measure. 

Bucky’s smile had gone a little tight around the edges. “Thanks. Hopefully I’ll see you again soon.” 

On his way home Steve typed out an email to Hill updating her about Bucky. He was sure he couldn’t be disqualified for his military service, but as a disabled single parent it would be harder for him. 

 

Steve had barely been home for an hour before there was a knock on his door. He shouted that it was open, only turning from his canvas when he heard the familiar click of heels on the tile of his kitchen. 

“Nat, what’re you doing here?” 

Natasha grinned at him, the cup of coffee in her hand had steam still curling out the hole in the top. “I heard from Maria that you got yourself a new case. Figured I’d stop by and ask how the meet and greet went.” 

Steve set his pallet carefully on the table, grabbing for his cup and swirling the brush in it to get out the excess paint. 

“I also wanted to tell you that that was your coffee, and not your paint water.” The grin on Natasha’s lips flickered in her eyes. 

“Ah shit.” Steve pulled his brush out of his now-ruined coffee, swirls of blue taunting him as he watched the liquid settle. “I swear I do that once a week.” 

Natasha’s grin hadn’t let her face, but she did take a sip of her coffee, probably to rub it into his face that now his would taste like cobalt blue. “So anyway… You met the new client? Maria couldn’t tell me much.”

Steve stood and crossed the room to dump his coffee in the sink. “Yeah, we went to breakfast. He’s an interesting guy.” He leaned against the counter and thought back to his breakfast with Bucky. “He’s a veteran, he lost an arm in his last tour and he’s been getting back to living his life. He’s unmated, but he said he wasn’t interested in having a mate, that he just wanted a child to love and care for. He seemed really sincere, but I feel like there’s gotta be more.” 

“There probably is.” Natasha was examining his half-finished painting now. “He’s a vet, there’s always more. The only thing that matters is if you think he’s worth it.” 

Steve sighed again; scratching at the back of his neck in what he knew was his own nervous tic. “I think he is. I don’t want them to disqualify him because of his service, and I think he deserves a child of his own.” 

“Why not just make him find a mate like everyone else? Or adopt.” 

Steve knew she wasn’t trying to be mean, she just wanted to make sure he knew what he was getting into. Being surrogate for an unmated alpha was not going to be the same as what he’d done before. There were always things he could do to minimize his attachment to the other man, but if Steve was being honest he didn’t want to do them. He knew Bucky wasn’t looking for a mate, it wasn’t like he was either, but he wanted to get to know the alpha, even if there wasn’t anything between them. “I… I want to do this for him. He said no one takes him seriously since he came back. I know what that’s like.” 

Nat had appeared in front of him, her gaze hard. “And you’ve got nothing to prove.” 

Steve frowned at her. “I’m going to do this Nat. You can’t convince me otherwise.” He hadn’t realized how resolute he was on the matter until Natasha had challenged him. 

“You’re stubborn Rogers. I just don’t want you getting yourself hurt over this.” 

“Thank you.” Steve gave her a smile. 

“But you should go and talk to the office about this, they might not give you a choice if they don’t think it’s a good idea.” Natasha had finished her coffee and was eyeing the bagels on Steve’s counter. 

“I will. Go ahead and eat one, there’s cream-cheese in the fridge.” Steve wandered back over to his painting. It was filled with the same steel blue as Bucky’s eyes. Shit, he was in trouble. 

 

Sharon was not happy with him. She was the head of their medical team, and she’d personally overseen every one of Steve’s previous pregnancies. She said she was just being thorough but Steve was pretty sure there was more there. 

“This changes things Steve, if he’s a vet with some sort of PTSD then we can’t help him. Even placing a child into a single-parent household is usually enough to disqualify someone.” She, like Natasha, wasn’t trying to be mean; she was just stating the facts. “If this is some sort of misplaced sense of duty, or a crush-”

“It’s not like that Sharon… I really want to do this for him. It’s my choice.” Steve crossed his arms over his chest. They both knew that he wasn’t going to change his mind. 

“I hate how stubborn you are. But fine. There are still some tests and forms that need to be completed. Go and talk to him again and make sure he understands. Maybe take some of the pamphlets with you. From what you told me he doesn’t seem to know a lot about the process.” 

Steve snorted. “I’ll make sure he gets it.” 

 

Steve was surprised when Bucky invited him to his apartment the next time he called. It wasn’t that far away, but still he was surprised. He sincerely hoped that this wasn’t because of some misplaced alpha protectiveness. They were not going to be mates, and Steve would not let Bucky treat him like one, that would just make it harder for both of them. 

Bucky’s apartment building was almost exactly the same as his own, just with a newer coat of paint. He knocked and stood patiently for the door, his stomach in knots. 

With Bucky being an un-mated alpha there were a few ways that this could go. He could volunteer to provide the other half of genetic material, or Bucky could choose someone from their files. Steve didn’t want to think about how complicated it could be between them if Bucky chose him, but a part of him wanted to plead to be chosen at the same time. His chest got all fluttery at the idea of a little baby with the best of both of them. Sharon would hate that he volunteered, she thought he was getting to attached already and this would be a big nail in his coffin. He didn’t care. 

He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that the door opening startled him. God, did Bucky look good every moment of the day? Who looked this good just lounging around their apartment. His hair was pulled up this time, a few strands trying valiantly to escape. 

“Hey, come in.” Bucky stepped aside, his eyes sparkling and that slightly crooked smile back on his lips. 

Steve shuffled forward silently, looking around the rather sparse apartment. Maybe not sparse, more like minimalist. Besides the very comfortable looking couch and the large tv, two of the walls were covered in bookshelves filled with equal parts books and movies. He found himself gravitating toward the shelves, curiosity getting the best of him. 

“Wow, you have a lot of books on space.” Indeed, almost half of the books were scientific, and a lot of the others were science-fiction books. 

“Yeah, I’m kind of a space nerd. You want anything to drink?” 

“Ah, just some water is fine.” The rest of the wall that the TV was hung on was covered with what looked like family pictures. Bucky hadn’t been kidding about having a big family. There was a family portrait hung in the center, Bucky’s parents smiling genuinely with Bucky surrounded by three younger sisters. They all had dark hair and beautiful eyes. There were a few candid photos of them as children and even as adults. It looked like the two middle sisters were married, one with children of her own. There was even a couple of who he assumed were Bucky’s military unit. They looked like good men. 

Bucky returned with his water, his gaze sticking to the photos. “So what did you need? I didn’t expect to be hearing from you so soon.” 

Steve took a long drink from his cup, half-wishing it was vodka instead. “Maybe we should sit down.” 

Bucky followed after him, his brows pinched together with worry. 

Once they were seated Steve took the file out from under his arm. “I told the office and they updated your file. They didn’t disqualify you, so we can move onto the next step.” Steve felt his worry dissipating a bit. He could do this, he’d done it before and would do it again. This part, the clinical part, was easy. “Since you’re un-mated we need to get the other part of the genetic material. There are a few options. We have a list of people you can look through, just like when you first chose a surrogate.” 

“I assumed it’d be you.” Bucky said quietly. He was reading the file upside down, who could do that so easily? 

And the worry was back. “W-well it can be me, but I might not be the best choice…” Steve chewed his lip. “I know you already said you wanted me to carry for you, but I haven’t been perfectly honest…” 

Bucky pulled his gaze up to Steve’s face, his lips slightly parted as he waited for him to continue. 

“I uh, I was part of an experimental project to increase the fertility of omegas. I didn’t always look like this.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket and flipped through old photos before finding a good example and hanging it to Bucky. “I was skinny and sickly. I was cleared to carry, but there’s a good chance that any child I had would bear the same health problems that I had before…” He’d pointedly avoided thinking about this. He’d always wanted children of his own; that was part of the reason that he’d volunteered for the program, but the thought of passing on his terrible health was too much. 

“A chance. So there’s a chance they could be perfectly healthy too, right?” 

Bucky’s voice snapped Steve out of his tumultuous thoughts. “I guess, but…” 

“That’s good enough for me.” He handed Steve back his phone. “You were cute before anyway.” 

Steve felt his cheeks bloom in a blush. Was Bucky trying to flirt with him? “So you want to choose me?” He hadn’t realized how much it meant to him until now. Maybe Sharon was right after all. 

“Sure Stevie. I bet we’ve make cute pups.” That smile was back and Steve felt his heart flutter. 

Bucky seemed to suddenly realize what he’d said, and his expression closed off, his hand coming up to smooth through his hair even though it was up. “I mean… I don’t want to force you or anything. It’s your choice too. It would be harder to give up a baby that was partially yours right?” 

Shit. That was true. Steve hadn’t even considered that, even though he knew how this worked. He’d only get to see the baby for a few days at most while they recovered in the hospital and got set up at Bucky’s, but then he’d never see it again. The thought made him feel a bit sick. “You’re right…” This was so much more complicated than he’d even realized. 

Bucky was staring at the table. “I’ll leave it up to you. If you don’t think you can do that I won’t hold it against you and I’ll just pick someone else.” 

Steve finished his water, letting the silence grow between them. It was uncomfortable but he had no words to break it with. 

“I’ll go to the office and fill out all the papers and do everything they need. That’ll give you some time.” 

He was being so reasonable. Bucky was giving Steve every bit of the choice of what he wanted to do with this. How could no one want this sweet alpha to be their mate? 

“Thank you Bucky.” Steve stood, cup in hand like it was a shield, though he wasn’t sure what it was supposed to protect him from. “I’ll be in touch.” 

Bucky’s eyes were on him again. “Thanks. I’ll see you around.” 

Steve had been sure that Bucky would invite him to stay, he’d already formed his polite exit speech, but being dismissed so thoroughly left him with a bit of whiplash. What was wrong with him? Almost the first thing Bucky had told him was that he didn’t want a mate, only a baby. Why was Steve being so stupid? 

“Yeah, see you.” He set down his cup and headed for the door, his mind reeling. 

What was he supposed to do? 

 

He found himself at the gym down the block from his gym. He found that punching something usually helped to clear his mind. It was the middle of the day so most people were at work. The gym was practically empty, and no one paid him a second glance as he set up a punching bag and meticulously wrapped his knuckles. Falling into the rhythm of punches Steve let his mind go blissfully blank. He needed a few minutes of not worrying.

The bag was sagging by the time that he stopped, his arms burning and his hair plastered to his forehead with sweat. Plus, he did feel a lot better. He knew that no one thought it was a good idea for him to carry Bucky’s baby. They were all going to tell him “no” at every turn. The stubborn part of him wanted to do it just for that, but the rest of him wanted to do it too. He wanted to do this for Bucky. The alpha deserved a family, even if it was non-conventional, and he’d asked Steve for it. He couldn’t really turn him down, now could he? If any part of this was selfish he chose not to look at it. He could deal with that when the time came. If there was one thing that he’d learned it was how to distance himself from people, he could do that with Bucky too. Really it had never been a choice. He’d been committed to carrying Bucky’s baby as soon as he’d met him. 

After cleaning up the bag and unwrapping his hands Steve pushed his hair back from his eyes. There was nothing else he could do today. Bucky still needed to go and fill out all the paperwork and get all the necessary checks done.  
There was always a lot of worry and nerves in this part of the process. Steve knew he was being over-serious about this, but it was a big deal wasn’t it? Over and over again his brain kept reminding him that this wouldn’t be the same as the other times. It would be more, demand more of him, at least emotionally. He’d told Bucky that he was perfectly fine letting go of their baby at the end, but would he be, really? The tight knot of worry in his chest had returned already and he felt a little sick. Working himself up over and over would only make it worse. He’d agreed to this, and he did want to do it, that wasn’t going to change. 

Later he sat down in front of the TV, flipping through Netflix as his dinner balanced carefully on his thigh. His thoughts drifted back to Bucky’s apartment. Besides the family photos on the walls and the books in the shelves the place had felt fairly impersonal, like someone else had decorated it for him and then placed Bucky inside the space. He wondered who it was. Maybe one of his sisters had done it. He didn’t know anything more than the layperson about space, but he found himself clicking on a documentary about the cosmos before settling further into the couch. Maybe he could ask Bucky about it next time they spoke. 

 

It took almost two months for Steve to hear back from the office that Bucky had been cleared and they were ready for his side of the equation. They’d extracted a few of his eggs the last time he’d come in, in preparation, and Dr. Banner had even sent him a photo through a microscope once so he could see the little cells. It was silly, but Steve had appreciated it none-the-less. 

The day of Steve felt like he was going to throw up as soon as he woke. The feeling only worsened as his appointment crept closer and closer. He hadn’t seen Bucky since the day he’d gone to his apartment, but he’d watched every space show that Netflix had to offer, even the bad ones. 

“How’re you feeling? Nervous?” Bruce looked up from his notes, his glasses slightly crooked as he pushed them up his nose. 

“That’s not exactly the word I would use.” Terrified was more like it. 

It was easy to relax into the procedure. This was only very slightly different than before. Doctors he was used to. He’d spent more time around doctors than anywhere else, between being sickly and the experiments, and now. He lay still on the table and let Bruce move him as needed. He fell into the ease of practiced indifference as he went through all the motions. All too soon it was done and he brushed his fingers over his stomach, his heart fluttering. He knew as well as anyone that this kind of fertilization wasn’t 100%, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t excited. 

“You know the drill by now, but still, keep us up to date with how this goes. We’ll see you in again soon to see if it took. Though with you we haven’t had one that didn’t.” Bruce made a few more notes in his files before he fixed Steve with his soft smile. 

“Yeah, I know the drill. I’ll start taking my vitamins.” 

“I can have Hill send an email to Mr. Barnes keeping him updated, unless you want to tell him yourself.”

He hadn’t been purposefully avoiding Bucky, but there had been no reason for him to contact him before now. They weren’t friends, and Bucky had made it clear that he didn’t want a relationship or anything like it from day one. Steve wasn’t looking to get his heart broken, and he’d assumed that keeping his distance was going to be the best for both of them. “I can text him.” He muttered, his hand still on his stomach. 

Bruce gave him a strange look but didn’t say anything, silently handing him a file to give to Hill on his way out.

Steve shook his hand before he went. Dr. Banner was a great man, and he trusted him completely. He figured in a different world they could have been friends, even if he didn’t really understand half of what came out of the Dr.’s mouth.

Pulling his phone out of his pocket he dug through his contacted for Bucky’s number, staring at the little blinking cursor as he tried to think about what he should say. How could he compose a message that wasn’t either too sappy or sounded painfully stupid? His brain unhelpfully chimed in with: 

**Knocked up with our baby, don’t worry I’m not going to fall in love with you.**

And he had to resist the urge to smash his head into the wall. Instead he went with:

**Just got out of the procedure. I’ll keep you updated.**

It was pretty impersonal, but impersonal was good. That’s what they both needed. 

He didn’t get a response, and he definitely hadn’t been checking his phone every 20 minutes for one. 

The rest of his day was painfully average. After all, he’d been through this before. This part he was good at. The first time he’d spent the whole week checking himself in the mirror, foolishly believing that he would be able to tell. He’d felt a little self-conscious the second time. He’d taken to avoiding people’s gazes, like they could tell from day one that he was knocked up and would judge him. This was the fifth time, and while it was different for him it was very much the same. He kept coming back around to that the conflict of different and the same. Maybe he was really making too much of this. It was only going to be a problem if he made it one. 

It wasn’t until the end of the day, when he was curled up in bed and about to doze off that his phone buzzed. He blinked at it blearily, the butterflies blooming in his chest again when he saw it was from Bucky. 

**Let me know if you need anything.**


	2. The One With The First 3 Months

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **I was going to do Steve's whole pregnancy in one long chapter but because I already have so much written already I figured it would be better to break it up. So here are approximately the first 3 months.**

Steve was avoiding Bucky. He was hiding like a child and he had no excuse. 

It had been three weeks, long enough for Sharon to confirm that the pregnancy had taken, but not so long that he’d really started to feel it. He told himself that he was just giving Bucky space because he didn’t have anything to report. There was the more selfish part of him that knew he was simply avoiding the alpha. The thought of how much he cared for him already scared him, and he didn’t need his heart broken like that.  
The boredom of pregnancy had returned as well. He didn’t drink or smoke, so there was nothing for him to give up, but he couldn’t exercise as heavily either, and that was leaving him without much to do. At least he hadn’t had any morning sickness yet. 

Sam and Natasha had been as supportive as ever, even if it was clear that they were both unsure about the arrangement with Bucky. Steve was pretty unsure about that too, but he wasn’t going to back out. Sam had been bringing him muffins or scones every morning since they couldn’t go running anymore. They’d found out with his last pregnancy that all the bouncing made him sicker than anything and Steve wasn’t in a hurt to see if it carried over to this one too. 

“Sam, if you keep bringing me pasties like this I’m going to get fat.” Steve held the door open to let his friend through. 

“C’mon man, they’re the apple ones, I know they’re your favorite.” Sam held out the bag to him. 

Steve took it, pulling the bag open and sighing as the heavenly smell wafted to his nose. “You’re an angel Sam.” 

Sam just snagged the orange juice out of his fridge, drinking straight out of the carton. 

Steve dug unashamedly into the pastry. He was always hungry, and pregnancy only made it worse. “Mmmm, so good.” He leaned against the counter, snagging the juice from Sam, the other man’s alpha scent soothing his churning stomach. 

Most people seemed concerned that Steve had surrounded himself with alphas, but Steve was never going to prescribe to that nature bias bullshit. You were more than your nature. He wasn’t going to cower in fear of the almighty alpha and submit at the drop of a hat. Maybe that was why he hadn’t found a mate. Sam always said he was too stubborn, and Steve had to agree with him. If he saw something he couldn’t let it go, he had morals and he was going to stick to them if it meant he was mate-less for life. 

“Have you talked to your alpha yet?” Sam had managed to snag the juice back, screwing back on the cap and stowing it in the fridge.  
“He’s not my alpha, and no, I haven’t talked to him. I don’t have anything to report.”

“You seemed pretty interested in him to me, offering to have a baby with him and all.” Sam shrugged. “He’s probably curious.”  
Steve gave him a sharp look. “It’s not like that and you know it.” 

Sam only shrugged again, digging through the other bags he’d brought. “Natasha got you some new bath thing, it’s supposed to help with nausea somehow, I don’t know. I got you this.” He twisted, handing Steve a book. 

“ _The Martian?_ ” Steve hummed. “Subtle.” 

Sam barked a laugh. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just know you’ve been bored and it’s supposed to be a really good book. There’s a movie too. I know you’ve been kinda into space lately.” 

Steve flushed, flipping the book open to read the first page. He had been “kind of into space”, but it was more like “kind of into it because of Bucky” and now he’d taken a genuine interest in it. “Thanks…” 

Sam left the bag of bath stuff from Natasha as well, promising to get him more juice next time. Steve followed him out, a smile on his lips. “Don’t have too much fun at work today.” 

Sam snorted. “Oh yeah. Talking to depressed vets all day.” 

Steve smacked his shoulder. “You don’t fool me, you love your job.” 

“Yeah that’s true.” Sam’s gaze shifted past him and he frowned slightly. 

Steve twisted, surprise widening his eyes as he saw Bucky stalking toward them. “Bucky?” 

A snarl was his only answer, his gaze leveled at Sam with a murderous intent that made Steve’s skin crawl. Steve knew that Bucky had been in the military, but he’d never imagined him down in a foxhole ready to kill someone. He could see it now and he was scary.  
He was definitely not turned on either. No sir. He was scared for Sam’s safety, that was the thrill that shot down his spine and curled low in his stomach. _Fear._

Sam took a large step back from Steve, holding his hands up and trying to look as innocent as possible. “Hey man, don’t freak out.” 

Bucky froze when he got within arm’s reach, suddenly blinking and straightening up. “Sam? You know Steve?” 

Steve stared between the two of them. It was like someone had flipped a switch in Bucky and turned him from murderous alpha rage back into his normal self. However he was more interested in how Sam and Bucky knew each other. 

“Ah, yeah, I know Steve. He’s been my running buddy for a few years.” 

Steve was trying to burn his gaze into Sam, thoroughly annoyed as he was soundly ignored. 

“It’s a small world.” Bucky wasn’t looking at Sam anymore, his steely blue eyes looking Steve over. 

Sam chucked awkwardly, taking another step back. “Sorry to bail from this awkward reunion but I really do have to go. See you later Steve!” 

Before Steve could protest Sam had disappeared into the crowds of people making their way to and from downtown. They flowed around him and Bucky quietly, a few of them giving them annoyed looks. Steve was silent as he turned and headed back to his building, not needing to look to know that Bucky was following him. Only once they were inside did Steve round on the alpha. 

“What the hell was that?” He hissed¬, gesturing to the now even more crowded street. 

Bucky was still trying to be subtle about looking Steve over, his tongue flicking out and running absently over his lip. “What was what?” 

Steve gave him a look of cool disappointment. “You know what I mean. Growling at Sam?” 

Bucky flushed, his hand coming up to push his hair behind his ear. It was loose this time, just barely brushing his shoulders. “Yeah…Sorry. I kind of got lost there for a second.”

Steve’s annoyed expression didn’t change. “You were treating me like you were protecting your mate or something, I’m not your mate Bucky.” 

Bucky blinked at him. “I know that. I was just surprised to see you is all. I just meant to come up and say hi but I saw Sam touch your arm and-” He shrugged. “I can’t just turn it off Steve. You’re carrying my baby. I mean, you are right?” His hands twitched at his sides and Steve knew that he was restraining himself from touching. 

“Yeah, I told you they did all the tests. Everything’s progressing like it should.” 

“I figured I’d see you more…” Bucky’s voice was quieter, his gaze soft in a way that made a part of Steve ache in a new and painful way. 

_Please don’t look at me like that._

“Sorry Buck. I’ve been busy. I tried to keep you updated but there was no reason for me to bother you. There hasn’t been any baby stuff I needed from you. Guess I figured it’d be better for me just to let you get on with you life as usual.” It sounded like a weak argument even as Steve said it. Bucky had said he could call if he needed anything and he really hadn’t needed anything, but he knew he wouldn’t have called Bucky even if he did. They were still practically strangers and Steve was already hung up on the alpha in a horribly inappropriate way. 

“You’re not bothering me. I meant it, anything that you need I’ll be there.” Bucky looked up at him again, meeting his gaze. “You’re doing a lot for me, please let me help in any way that I can.” 

Steve knew it was stupid to let himself get involved with Bucky Barnes, but he was so sincere. “I’ll try okay? Don’t worry, everything is fine, and boring honestly. But boring is good.” 

Bucky’s hands were twitching again, one of them coming up almost to touch. “When do you get an ultrasound?”

“Soon. There won’t be a lot to see, but I’ll send you-”

“Can I come?” Bucky sounded so earnest it made Steve’s heart hurt. Damn pregnancy hormones. 

“I don’t know…” 

“Please? I won’t make it weird I promise. I just want to hear my baby’s heartbeat for the first time…” 

Steve was going crazy watching Bucky try to restrain himself from touching his stomach, so he grabbed his good arm and stuck his palm flat against his belly. “There’s nothing to feel yet.” 

Bucky was staring at him, a look on his face that Steve refused to interpret. 

“I guess you can come…” Steve flushed. Bucky’s hand was warm, warm enough that he could feel it through his shirt. He idly wondered if the metal one would be cold. 

The smile that Bucky gave him was blinding, his eyes crinkled around the edges. It made Steve’s heart skip a beat. He couldn’t think of the last time he’d seen a smile so beautiful. 

“Thanks Steve. You won’t regret it.” Bucky was still touching him, his fingers gently flexing before he pulled his hand back. “You wanna get some lunch or something?” 

Steve blinked at him and Bucky blinked back, seeming to understand what he said. 

“Ah, you’re right. I shouldn’t bother you. I guess I’ll… see you around then.” Bucky shoved both his hands in his pockets, the flush back on his cheeks. 

“Yeah, I’ll see you.” Steve wasn’t sure what else to say. Bucky was hard to read. He came off as easy-going and friendly, but there was a lot underneath that left him changed at the drop of a hat. It was hard to see which parts were the really real bits of Bucky. 

Steve watched as Bucky disappeared back into the street, keeping an eye on his back as the alpha walked purposefully down the crowded sidewalk. Everyone had warned him about getting involved with Bucky, but honestly that made Steve want to even more. 

He’d need to talk to Sam again. Clearly he’d been holding out on him. 

 

So far the pregnancy had been easy. He’d made it to the one-month mark without anything major. Soda and some crackers had easily dealt with the little bit of nausea he’d felt. He tried not to mention it when he went in for his checkup with Sharon. The waiting room had been full of other omegas in varying stages of pregnancy. The last thing any of them needed was him saying how easy he had it. He wasn’t going to gloat or complain. 

“He said he wants to come to the first ultrasound…” Steve slid off the examination table once Sharon was done with him, fidgeting with the edge of his gown. “I don’t have a problem with him being there it’s just…” 

“You don’t want him checking you out while I slather you with jelly?” Sharon grinned at him and Steve blushed up to his ears. 

“It’s not like that! I’m carrying his baby, it’s only natural that he would be interested in me.” 

Sharon tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Whatever you say Steve. He can come if you feel comfortable with him being there. I’ll check and make sure we have an appointment for you. We’ll still do the standard 18 of course, and I know you said that you haven’t had anything problematic come up, but it’s your choice when to do an earlier one.” 

Steve shrugged. “I’ll ask Bucky.” 

Sharon scribbled a note in his file. Steve had seen his previous files before, and this one was already almost as large as the rest. He idly wondered what else was in this one. 

“Alright, then we’ll go with that for now.” 

 

 

Steve managed to hide from Bucky for another three weeks, putting him hallway through month two. He’d begun to feel sick the last week of the first month, and that had been rough as hell. Sam and Natasha had spent as much time with as without him, both of them being far too kind and conceding to his requests. 

Bucky had texted him this morning, asking for an update in his standardly clipped fashion. Bucky wasn’t a very good texter, but neither was Steve. He always forgot to check his phone until he’d already missed a few messages. 

 

**How’s it going?**

 

Steve sighed, trying not to act on the flash of annoyance. Bucky wasn’t trying to be annoying; he was just concerned. The annoyance flared brighter when his brain supplied that Bucky’s concern wasn’t really for him. 

 

**Fine. Been a little nauseous but that’s totally normal. Feeling better now.**

 

**We still on for the ultrasound?**

**Of course.**

It felt like no time at all until Steve was standing outside his apartment, his hands shoved into the pockets of his shorts. He’d been pretty much every stage of pregnant for every season now, and he found that he liked Autumn for the end. It hadn’t been his choice of course, but spring wouldn’t be the worst either. He’d gotten a quiet kick out of the fact that the baby would be born almost exactly halfway between his and Bucky’s birthdays. 

He waited impatiently for Bucky to arrive. The alpha had insisted on driving him to the hospital, which Steve knew was ridiculous because he could take the subway over there just as easily. His hormones were still trying to even out, and he hoped that they would soon. The swings had left him irritable at best and he’d snapped at Sam more than once. 

A honk startled him out of his reverie and he wandered off the curb to fold himself into the passenger seat of Bucky’s car. A flush rose to his cheeks when he caught the way that Bucky was idiotically beaming at him. God that smile was going to be the death of him, wasn’t it? 

“Long time no see. What’ve you been up to?” 

Steve huffed. “Just been busy being pregnant.” 

Bucky’s fingers were twitching again and Steve resisted the urge to growl at him, conceding to letting the alpha’s fingers brush against his belly. 

“You smell good.” Bucky was looking up at him from under his eyelashes and Steve felt his cheeks flush. Everyone said that pregnant omegas smelled good, sweet and milky, but of course Steve couldn’t smell it. 

“I try.” He chuckled humorlessly, focusing his gaze out through the windshield and trying not to remember how beautiful Bucky’s eyes were. God, he’d almost forgotten how handsome Bucky was. “Let’s go.” 

Bucky drove silently through the busy city, tapping the fingers of his metal hand against the steering wheel. 

Steve tried not to stare and gave up a few minutes in. He’d never really looked at Bucky’s arm. He was wearing a red Henley pushed up to his elbow and Steve got to fully admire the beauty of his prosthetic. Bucky must have been someone special to warrant such an advanced piece technology. He used it as seamlessly as he did his other arm, the metal plates reflecting gently as he minutely adjusted their course. 

“You can drive with it?” The question slipped out before Steve had meant to ask it. 

Bucky looked at him briefly before focusing on the road again, his gaze shifting to far away. “Yeah. I can do everything with it that I do with the other one. I’m lucky.” He didn’t elaborate and Steve didn’t press him. 

Steve tried to tell himself he wasn’t going to imagine all the interesting things that arm was capable of later. 

With the traffic it took nearly as long as if they’d just taken the subway, but Steve was secretly glad not to have to deal with the public. His sense of smell had started going crazy, and he couldn’t be happier not to deal with the smelly guy that was always in his car, or the ladies with far too much perfume. 

He could smell Bucky easily though, and that was actually good because Bucky smelled amazing. Steve had tried not to notice before, it wasn’t exactly socially acceptable to bury your face in someone’s neck in public, especially when that someone had expressly said “I’m not looking for a mate”. Now however Steve could revel in Bucky’s scent around him, it was warm and earthy and Steve tried to be subtle about burying himself in the seat and breathing deeply. For some reason that he didn’t want to dissect the scent soothed him, his stomach that had been in knots slowly unfurled itself and he took a steadying breath. 

“I’ve never been to this wing of the hospital before. I hope you know how to get there.” Bucky pulled into a space and threw the car into park before turning his gaze back on Steve. 

“Of course I do Bucky. This isn’t my first time.” He pulled himself out of the far too comfortable seat and strode toward the automated door. 

Bucky quickly matched his step, close enough that their hands brushed occasionally. Steve tried not to notice. 

After checking in with the woman at the counter they waited impatiently for a nurse to collect them. There were a few other people waiting as well, but it was still early. One of the other omegas looked up from her magazine, her hand going to her distended belly. She was about to pop. 

“First ultrasound?” She set the magazine aside, her smile mostly focused on Bucky. 

Steve felt himself bristle. Why was she talking to them? 

“That obvious huh?” Bucky’s eyes crinkled around the edges as he returned her smile. 

“My mate was way more nervous than me the first time we came in.” Her smile had turned on Steve now and he did his best to reciprocate. 

“Were not-” Steve actually gasped as Bucky threw his arm around his shoulders, looking over at him. He’d never thought of Bucky as someone who’d be so touchy-feely, but apparently he was wrong. 

I don’t know about Steve but I’m excited as hell.” Bucky jostled Steve good-naturedly and Steve felt his cheeks bloom in a blush. 

What was wrong with him? Bucky was just nice, he wasn’t interested in Steve and that was fine. If Steve kept reading into every action between them he’d drive himself crazy long before this baby ever arrived. Why couldn’t he just enjoy spending time with this interesting man without everything getting weird? 

_Because you’re carrying his baby._ His brain unhelpfully supplied. Because it means too much to you. 

God, Steve was really fucked. 

Finally the nurse called them in and Steve lead the way to the examination room, silently laying down on the table and purposefully avoiding Bucky’s gaze. 

Every morning found Steve standing in front of the floor-length mirror hung on the back of his bathroom door, twisting and turning and trying to find the slight swell in his belly, but there was none. The baby didn’t need extra room yet; it was barely an inch long at this point, but that didn’t stop him from looking. Or apparently Bucky from touching him. 

“This will be a little cold.” The nurse said as she rucked up his shirt enough to spread the gel onto his stomach. He was used to people touching him, it barely even registered anymore, except with Bucky because Steve loved to torture himself. 

He only flinched a tiny bit as she spread on the cold goop, staring up at the ceiling as she answered all of Bucky’s questions. Bucky could have asked Steve those too, he would have known, he’d done all this before. 

Only the soft wub, wub, of a very tiny heartbeat snapped him out of his head, twisting to be able to see the monitor as the picture fluttered. Bucky gasped, scrambling off his chair and leaning against the side of the bed where Steve lay. 

"Holy cow…” 

Steve felt his chest tighten and he couldn’t help but smile, his gaze fixed on the wiggly read-out from the ultrasound machine. 

"Wow Steve, I mean…wow.” Bucky’s voice had gotten rough around the edges and when he looked down Steve was surprised to see tears in his eyes. 

Bucky was so happy. That was what Steve had wanted. He’d seen the tatters of a life in Bucky’s file, in the mostly empty apartment, in the way his  
smile sometimes didn’t reach his eyes, and he wanted him to be happy. The tightness in Steve’s chest crawled up into his throat and he felt tears of his own trying to swarm into his eyes. 

“I’ll get you guys a print-out of this and I’ll be right back.” 

Steve took the towel she offered him, wiping the slightly sticky goo off his stomach. 

Bucky couldn’t seem to decide where to stare. Every time Steve looked at him he was staring at him like he hung the moon. It made Steve want to cry even more. 

“Oh man, I knew it was real but now it feels really real you know?” Bucky’s hand had found its way to Steve’s belly again, his touch almost reverent and so gentle that Steve felt his heart stutter again. 

Steve found awkward laughter bubbling up from his throat. “Yeah, I know what you mean. I’m sorry I’ve been kind of hiding out, but you haven’t missed out on any baby stuff.” 

Bucky’s smile was so genuine Steve felt like he was going to go blind from it. “I just want to help when I can. You’re amazing Steve.” 

Steve couldn’t sit and take Bucky’s praise anymore, his natural instinct to shove the praise on someone else butting against the newfound desire to bask in Bucky’s full attention. 

“Not exactly amazing, just doing my job.” The words threatened to stick in his throat, the weight behind them smashing all the butterflies in his stomach. That’s what this was, his job, and when it was over, when Bucky had his baby, they would both leave. Steve had known that going in, but just like Bucky it hadn’t sunk in until this moment.

“Oh man. I gotta start getting baby stuff huh? You’re a third of the way through and I don’t have anything. I’ve never bough baby stuff before. I got some clothes for my sister’s baby but that’s not the same.” Bucky was rambling, his thumb making absent, gentle, circled on Steve’s stomach. 

“Hey, you wanna come with me and help pick stuff out?”

That got Steve’s attention. “I don’t know if that’d be a good idea Bucky.” 

Bucky blinked at him, his stormy blue eyes confused. “Why? I’m gonna need another opinion on stuff.” 

Steve felt his ears burning and he shifted himself off the table to stand up. “Because we’re not mates. It’d be weird.” 

“But-” 

The nurse returned and cut off whatever Bucky was going to say. “Here’s a photo for you two.” Her smile was bright but professional as she handed Bucky a small printout of the monitor image. 

Steve jumped on the opportunity to change to subject. “Do you need anything else from me before we go?” 

“Oh no, you’re good to go from here. Just stop by the front desk and she’ll get you set up for your next appointment.” 

Steve didn’t look at Bucky again as they made their way out of the hospital and into the fresh air outside, and tried to avoid looking at him the entirety of the way home. He failed on the latter, peeking over at Bucky in his peripheral vision. The alpha had gone quiet and still, his eyes far away again. Steve desperately hoped that he hadn’t crossed some line. It had been rude of him, but Bucky had been the one to set out the terms of their relationship from day one. 

No mate, just a baby. 

That didn’t make Steve feel any better when Bucky dropped him off silently at home, giving him a tight smile as his only goodbye before disappearing into traffic again. It made Steve feel worse to know that he had probably ruined the happiness of this day for Bucky with his callousness. Bucky had just been asking for his opinion after all. 

Dragging himself back up the stairs to his apartment Steve brushed his hand over his still-flat stomach. He’d dug his own grave, and he was likely to end up buried in it at the end of this. 

The next few days Steve felt like shit. His nausea had worsened to the point that he could only sit on the couch with his eyes closed and try not to move, a trusty trash can within reach. He had never had nausea this bad before. He’d called Sharon about it the day before and she said she could write him a prescription for some nausea medication if it continued. Her reassurances that nausea was still a normal side effect were only annoying.

Steve didn’t even have Sam and Nat to complain to. Sam had been sent off to some big conference in DC, and Natasha had told him two weeks ago that she was going to be out of the country for a month. He had no idea where she was going, and she’d seemed very hush-hush about it so he hadn’t pried. Sam had texted him the first day of the conference, but he had back-to-back seminars crazy crap the whole week. Steve hadn’t wanted to bother him with something like this anyway. 

That left Bucky. He’d promised Steve that he wanted to be there for baby stuff, and while this was definitely baby stuff it was also definitely something Steve rather not share with him. 

He broke down the next day, calling Sharon again and asking for the prescription before texting Bucky. 

**Sorry if you’re busy but could you go and pick up a prescription for me? Wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t an emergency.**

Closing his eyes again Steve tried to steady his breathing and focus on anything besides how sick he felt. Thankfully it was only a few minutes before his phone chimed. 

**I can do that? Are you OK??**

Steve sighed, taking another breath before replying. 

**Told Sharon to let you get it for me, she knows you of course. I’m alright, just really nauseous, can’t move.**

He didn’t feel the need to elaborate further, tacking on his address to another message before closing his eyes again. Please god let Bucky hurry up. If he had to be sick any longer he may just die. 

It felt like an eternity before there was a tentative knock on his door. Steve had actually managed to doze off sitting up on the couch with his arms around the little trashcan. He didn’t want to think about how horrible he looked as he pulled himself up, his stomach rolling at even crossing the room to pull the door open. 

"Hey St-” 

Steve didn’t wait for Bucky to finish, snatching the bag from his hand and pulling out the bottle of pills. The next breath had him swallowing two dry, his poor acid-burned throat protesting. Please god let them stay down long enough to do their job. 

“You look terrible.” Bucky was still standing in the doorway, his expression radiating concern. He had on a hoodie with a bright red star on one shoulder, the sleeves pulled down over his hands. 

Steve chuckled humorlessly. “Yeah well, that’s what four days of throwing up will do to you.” He wobbled a bit on his feet, trying to make it back to the couch. “I managed to avoid the nausea for the most part until now, dunno what happened.” 

Bucky wavered in the doorway for a moment longer before coming inside fully and closing the door. “Anything else I can do?” 

“Come sit by me and distract me from how shitty I feel.” Steve had resumed his earlier position on the couch, blanket pulled up around him and trash can within reach. Even getting up for that long made him feel like he was going to lose it again. 

He couldn’t see Bucky moving around but he could hear him. Heard him wander into the kitchen and get himself something to drink before coming to join Steve on the couch. 

"Your place is nice.” 

Steve shrugged. “I have too much stuff honestly. I have a hard time letting things go.” He didn’t need to open his eyes to have a perfect picture of his apartment. All his furniture was worn, but in a good way, the couch was comfortable from use and the tables were scuffed but filled with memories. He had bookshelves too, but most of them were filled with music, the books were in his room. Natasha had insisted on helping him modernize his interior designing but Steve had changed everything around almost as soon as they were done. The desire to make the space feel as homey as possible overrode any protests she had. She’d called him an old man. 

Bucky was silent for a long few minutes, and Steve had to fight the urge to open his eyes and look at him. 

“What did you want me to talk about?” Bucky finally supplied. 

Steve couldn’t help but huff out a small laugh. “Anything. Boring stuff. The weather, what you had for breakfast, what’s annoying you at work.” 

“The weather is average. It’s sticky out, don’t know if it’s gonna rain or if it’s just the air is stagnant. I didn’t have breakfast, I had coffee, does that count?” 

Steve cracked open an eye to look at him. He felt a lot better already; those pills must be fast acting. “No breakfast? Did you have anything besides coffee today?” Bucky did look worn, his eyes a little tired. 

Another shrug was his only answer. “I had a freezer burrito at some point.” 

Steve snorted. “That’s barely food. I think I have some snacks in the cupboards in the kitchen if you’re interested. I’d make us something but…” Just the thought of eating made his stomach pitch wildly again. 

Bucky gave him a good-natured smile before getting up to go and look through Steve’s cupboards, pulling his sweatshirt off over his head as he went. After a few moments of scrambling and the opening of cabinets he called: “I found some microwave popcorn, is that okay?” 

Steve twisted to see Bucky pop his head around the corner out of the kitchen; his loose hair falling in a curtain over his neck in a way that Steve was sure models would kill for. He idly wondered what kind of conditioner Bucky used. A moment of wistfulness filled him that he’d missed Bucky pulling off his sweatshirt, the thought of how his t-shirt would surely ride up and show off his hips made him sigh. 

“Yeah, I probably won’t have any but go nuts. There’s salt on the stove and there should be some butter in the fridge.” He tried not to think about how natural this felt. Bucky was still practically a stranger to him. Even with their brief interactions they didn’t know that much about each other. If he didn’t feel like he’d been steamrolled he would have ribbed the alpha for making himself so at home, but he had a feeling that was just how Bucky was. 

Soon enough the smell and pop, pop, of popcorn filled the room and Steve was glad to find it didn’t make his stomach roll. 

“You wanna watch a movie?” He called toward the kitchen, taking the muffled noises he got in response as assent before he turned to switch on the tv. There had to be something worth watching on Netflix. 

Bucky plopped down next to him, full bowl of popcorn in his arms. He watched Steve flip through shows and shoved popcorn in his mouth. “You have a lot of space shows on here.” 

Steve felt a blush crawl up his neck. He’d kind of gotten into space and sci-fi shows once he’d met Bucky, but he couldn’t exactly tell him that. 

“Ooh, _Back to the Future,_ we gotta watch that.” Bucky finally piped up, taking the remote from Steve to select it. 

“Sure, I’m down for whatever.” Steve chuckled, grabbing one of the couch pillows and curling it into his chest. Even over the popcorn he could smell the earthiness of Bucky’s alpha scent, and he had to resist the urge to lean against him and breathe it in. It was calming for some reason, and his stomach seemed to have finally settled. Thank God. 

Bucky pulled the popcorn onto his lap again once the movie started, munching on it happily. 

Halfway through the movie Steve found himself fighting to stay awake. The nausea had left him with very minimal sleep for the whole four days and now he felt like his eyes were full of sand. At one point he slumped over until his head rested on Bucky’s shoulder, but he immediately snapped back to attention, only to slump in his seat as exhaustion threatened to overwhelm him. 

Bucky had finished his popcorn and was rolling the few un-popped kernels around the bowl absently, turning his gaze to Steve after he’d dozed off the first time. 

“Ah hell, sorry, you must be exhausted.” Bucky immediately stood, going to put the bowl in the sink before returning, concern filing his expression. 

Steve shrugged, but then immediately yawned. “Okay yeah, I’m pretty exhausted. Sorry…” 

Bucky smiled at him and Steve struggled not to gasp at the softness it radiated. Bucky’s smile was beautiful. He hoped that it was just exhaustion making him so sappy. 

“Thanks for bringing me my medicine…” Steve pulled his gaze away from the alpha, embarrassed by the flush on his cheeks. 

Bucky licked his lips absently. “It was no problem, don’t worry about it.” 

“Ah, let me show you out.” Steve pulled himself up, wobbling a bit after sitting so long. 

Bucky stood awkwardly in the doorway for a few moments, opening his mouth like he wanted to say something but instead tucking a strand of his hair behind his ear and licking his lips again. Definitely a tic. “Let me know if you need anything else, okay?”

Steve smile at him. “Yeah, no problem. Thanks again Buck.” 

Steve watched him make his way down the hall before closing the door and immediately slumping a bit. He wanted to pick up the house but he was honestly so exhausted that he could barely stand. When he turned back he realized that Bucky’s hoodie was still draped over the back of the couch, he rushed over to grab it, pulling the door back open in hopes to catch the Alpha before he disappeared, but he was already out of sight. 

“Ah damn. I guess I’ll give it back next time I see him…” Steve brushed his fingers over the surprisingly soft material before pressing it to his face and taking a long deep breath. God, Bucky smelled so good. The mix of his cologne and his natural Alpha smell made Steve’s heart flutter, and apparently also settled his stomach. The remnants of his nausea immediately disappeared. 

“Whatever works I guess.” He muttered to himself, taking the sweatshirt with him as he wandered into his bedroom and flopped onto the bed, curling up with his pillow and Bucky’s sweater, feeling better than he had in days. “He doesn’t need to know.” He muttered to the empty apartment. 


	3. The One Where Steve Doesn't Tell Bucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of Steve's pregnancy. It turned out so long that I had to split it in two.

Steve hung on to Bucky’s jacket for weeks until the smell faded, and his nausea consistently disappeared whenever he could breathe in the scent of the alpha. He was definitely not going to tell anyone about it, but he did need to return it. By the time the first week was done he was feeling better anyway; hopefully his hormones had settled enough that he wouldn’t be nauseous anymore. He was surprised when his phone buzzed, expecting it to be Nat and blinking in confusion when Bucky’s name flashed on his screen instead. 

 

**Work’s been crazy this week, you feeling any better?**

 

Steve flushed, looking over at Bucky’s hoodie draped over the back of his couch. 

 

**Yeah, I’m feeling better, thanks again for bringing me my medicine and putting up with me.**

 

Steve didn’t expect anything more, and jumped when his phone buzzed again. 

 

**You wanna come watch a movie? I could make us some dinner or something.**

 

Steve blinked. That sounded a lot like a date. God, he didn’t want to lead himself on, or Bucky for that matter. The alpha was stuck with him for at more than 4 months longer, he probably felt like he had to interact with Steve out of some sort of obligation. Or maybe it was just because Bucky was a nice guy; either way Steve didn’t want this to be any harder for either of them, but he really did want to go and see Bucky again. 

 

**Sure, I can come over. Should I bring anything? I have your sweater to return too.**

 

 **I thought I lost that thing. Don’t worry about dinner, I’ve got it. See you at 7.**

Steve couldn’t help but grin like a moron, pulling himself up to shower and make himself presentable, his fingers brushing over the slight swell of his belly, finally, something to show for all his work. 

It felt like no time at all until he was knocking on Bucky’s door, his jacket draped over his arm. He’d taken the time to wash it, hoping that it wouldn’t be obvious that he’d basically been rubbing himself all over it since he’d gotten it. God, he was going to forever be mortified about that. 

Bucky pulled the door open and Steve felt a flush crawl up his neck. The alpha was always beautiful but he just looked so domestic, his hair pulled up into a messy bun and a real apron tied around his waist. It was hard for Steve to imagine Bucky as a fierce army Sargent, especially when he looked like he’d fallen out of a Calvin Klein ad. Bucky even had his sleeves pushed up and he didn’t immediately hide his arm from Steve’s view, it was nice. 

“Hey, ah, thanks for bringing that back.” Bucky lead him inside, the heavenly smells of cooking food filling Steve’s nose. 

“What did you make?” Steve took a deep breath, happy that his stomach didn’t roll at the first sign of food. He would have felt awful if he couldn’t eat Bucky’s food. “I didn’t know you could cook.”

Bucky shrugged. “I made carbonara. I’m not the best cook, but this is basically just throw everything in the pot and stir so I figured I couldn’t screw it up.”

Steve blinked when Bucky stepped closer to him and brushed his fingers over his stomach. He felt like he should have been used to Bucky touching him now, but he still felt like he was going to swallow his tongue. 

“You have the appointment to find out sex Thursday right? I’m sorry I can’t come…” 

Steve chewed his lip. “Yeah. Don’t worry about it, you’re allowed to be busy.” He chuckled. “I’ll let you know though.” He was glad when Bucky stepped away to check on the food and his heartbeat could return to normal. “I uh, I washed your jacket. Where-?” 

“Just put it on the chair in there. I’ll put it away later.” Bucky called from the kitchen.

Steve carefully set the jacket on the chair and melted into the couch with a sigh. Underneath the delicious smells of dinner was the warm and now-familiar scent of Bucky. 

Dinner was quiet, but pleasantly so. Steve resisted the urge to touch Bucky’s hand across the table, his stomach swimming again. God, what was wrong with him. 

They settled on the couch once they were done washing the dishes, Steve washing and Bucky drying, and Steve had to resist the urge to curl against the alpha. God, he was feeling so needy today, suck it up Rogers. 

“You wanna watch the rest of _Back to the Future?_ I know you fell asleep last time.” Bucky chuckled. 

“Yeah, sounds good Buck.” 

Steve didn’t last much longer this time than last time, while he didn’t feel nauseous at the drop of a hat anymore, he did get tired easily. That was the most annoying part about pregnancy; he hated being tired all the time. He blinked sleepily when Bucky shook him gently, a flush crawling up his neck again at the sweet way the alpha was smiling at him. 

_God, again with that look._

“You want me to take you home? It’s a little late to take a cab.” 

Steve sat up. “Getting protective now? I’m sure I can handle it…” He yawned widely. 

“You can stay here too, if you want.” Bucky seemed surprised after he said it, brushing his fingers through his hair where it had fallen out of his bun. “Though my couch might just kill your back.” 

“I’m sure I’ll be fine Bucky.” Steve pulled himself up. “I’ll text you when I get home so you know I didn’t get mugged, alright?” He tried his best to sound teasing, but it fell a little flat. 

“Don’t joke about that.” Bucky’s expression was dark, and Steve chuckled awkwardly as he pulled the door open. 

“Sorry. I’ll text you, thanks for dinner.” Steve felt like a bit of a moron, mentally berating himself all the way down the hall. He didn’t see the way that Bucky stared down the hall after him. 

 

 

Thursday came with a rush of tests and yet another ultrasound, Steve peering at the grainy picture as the nurse pointed things out to him. 

They were having a boy. They were having a boy and Steve cried like a little bitch for a few long moments before he could collect himself enough to re-dress. The nurse was kind enough to give him plenty of time to get himself together before she showed him out.

Once he was in the cab back home he pulled his phone out, chewing his lip as he tried to decide whether he should text Bucky or call him. This seemed more like a call situation. He waited as it rang on the other end, hoping that he wasn’t interrupting Bucky at work or anything. The alpha had gotten a second job at a mechanic shop, saying that he wanted to save up as much money before the baby came, and it meant he was a lot more busy. Sam had promised Bucky that he could come and work at the VA with him after the baby came, to give him stable hours and plenty of time to spend with his new child. Steve couldn’t be more grateful. 

“Steve?” 

“Ah, sorry, I spaced out.” Steve shook himself. “I just got done with the hospital, and I wanted to tell you-”

“You did? Wait, hold on. I gotta- One sec.” 

Steve heard Bucky shout something and a door close, the sounds of pneumatic tools muffling immediately. “Okay, so, what?” 

Steve chucked. “It’s a boy.” They wouldn’t know the child’s nature for a while, though there were tests that claimed to predict it earlier. The odds of their having a beta were higher than anything else, but Steve secretly hoped it would be an alpha. The only sure way to tell someone’s nature was when they presented, but most kids fell into the social dynamic relating to their nature long before they showed any external signs. 

“That’s so great Steve.” Bucky actually sounded choked up and Steve felt his chest tighten again. God, he could not start crying again. 

“Yeah, I wanted to tell you, instead of over text.” Steve forced himself to smile. 

“Thank you, really, I’m so happy. I gotta tell all the guys.” Steve could hear the smile in Bucky’s voice now, God, he did sound so happy. 

“It’s no problem.” Steve chuckled. 

“You gonna come over again tonight?” 

Steve felt a now-familiar blush crawl across his face. He’d spent every night since Bucky made him dinner at his house, telling himself that he was just trying to be friendly, but knowing that it was more than that. “Uh, yeah. You want me to bring something?” 

“Nah don’t worry about it. But I gotta get back to work. Thanks again Stevie, I’ll see you tonight.” 

Steve couldn’t help but grin. God, he’d been such a moron lately, his hormones had had finally leveled out enough to keep him from being nauseous at the drop of the hat, but he still tended to swing from one emotional extreme to another. 

 

 

Steve was nesting in Bucky’s apartment. He hadn’t even realized he was doing it, but as he rearranged yet another blanket on the couch he suddenly froze. Bucky had gone out to get baby furniture the last week, refusing to let Steve help him set it up in the nursery. He was still working on it, and Steve smiled whenever he heard a muffled curse from the other room. 

God, he was nesting. He’d spent a lot of time at Bucky’s place for the last month and a half. He’d stopped trying to kid himself a few weeks ago, he was in too deep and there was no way that he could pull himself out of this. There was no way he could get out of this without getting hurt at this point, but he hoped that he could at least keep from causing scene when it happened. He’d tried everything he could to keep from imagining a life with Bucky and their baby, but the thoughts had snuck in unbidden, filling him up with happiness that immediately left him feeling hollow when he realized he couldn’t have that. He hadn’t forgotten Bucky’s words, and he told himself that it wasn’t going to change. Just because he was a moron and couldn’t keep himself out of it didn’t mean that Bucky was going to fall for him. 

“Okay, I can’t figure this out.” Bucky appeared, pushing his hair off his forehead. “I think I’m missing a piece for this stupid dresser.” 

Steve was still standing frozen, a half-folded blanket in his arms. 

“Hey, you okay?” Bucky crossed the room, reaching for him and blinking when Steve flinched away. 

“I’m fine Buck.” He sounded strained, his grip on the blanket so tight his knuckled had turned white. 

“You don’t look fine, what’s got you freaked out Steve?” 

Steve threw the blanket down, turning stiffly away from him. “I can’t do this.” 

Bucky blinked at him. “It’s just a blanket Steve, I can help you fold it if you want.” 

Steve squared his shoulders but didn’t turn around, his hands clenching into fists at his sides, preparing for a fight without knowing which direction to throw a punch. “I mean I can’t do this.” He throws one arm out to encompass the whole apartment, the movement stiff and more hostile than anything. “I can’t sit here and play pretend.” He felt his stomach roll and he hunched a bit, desperately willing himself not to get sick now of all times. 

He heard Bucky approaching him and flinched away before he could try to touch him. 

“I can’t sit and play house with you, it’s not right when I know what’s going to happen.” Steve’s voice came out quiet but hard and he tightened his fists until his blunt nails dug into his hand. 

“And what’s going to happen?” Bucky sounded angry, but Steve didn’t trust himself to turn around and look, afraid that that soft look would be back in his eyes again and Steve would give up. 

“We made an arrangement. I give you a baby and then I go. You said so yourself. I knew that it was going to be hard, but this… I can’t do this.” He moved away from Bucky, angrily gathering up blankets and kicking an empty box. 

“Steve stop!” Bucky grabbed his arm and Steve wrenched away with a hurt noise that only made him feel angrier. “God damn it Steve, listen to me!” 

Steve didn’t stop, twisting the blankets up in his arms and beelining for the door. He knew if he stopped now he’d cry, and that was the last thing that he wanted. 

Bucky’s anger was like a physical thing behind him, filling the room and making Steve’s omega instincts roll over and submit. “Steve, I said **Stop!** ” 

Steve froze, his anger doused like Bucky had thrown a bucket of cold water over him by using his commanding alpha Voice on him. Without the anger he was left feeling vulnerable and hurt and even worse than before. 

Bucky moved to touch him again but before he could Steve shook himself and made it to the door, wrenching it open one-handed and storming out into the hall, fueled by renewed anger, or if not anger than hurt was good enough. He didn’t listen when he heard Bucky calling for him, just broke into a run and jogged down the stairs, only half-caring if he fell and hurt himself. Apparently that was the kind of man he was now, literally running from his problems when he’d always told everyone to stand up and fight.

If you start running they’ll never let you stop. 

Steve wasn’t sure how he made it home, burying his face in the blankets after he was inside his own apartment, finally breaking down into ugly sobbing. He’d ruined it, and there was no recovering from this. 

He jumped when he felt a strong kick against his belly, his hand shooting up to feel the baby moving inside him more than it ever had before. He’d felt flutters, and even gentle movements, but he hadn’t said anything to Bucky, too afraid to encourage the alpha touching him more than he already did. This was different; it was a full-body wiggle and the flail of little legs. It should have been a tender moment he could share with his mate, a few gentle kisses as they both touched his now-swollen belly as their child wiggled experimentally, but instead it just left Steve feeling hollowed out and tired. 

 

 

Steve was purposefully avoiding Bucky now. The alpha had called him several times the first day, and even come over the next day; actually pleading for Steve to just let him in. The baby seemed to be on Bucky’s side, wiggling up a storm when he heard the alpha’s voice, and leaving Steve doubled over and panting when he finally left. Now thankfully their boy was quiet again, and Steve was trying to rest. After another week he still got that hollowed-out feeling thinking about the alpha, but his head felt clearer now that he was home and not surrounded by everything Bucky. A large part of him knew that he was going to have to deal with this, but the rest of him just wanted to rest. 

He whined when there was a knock on his door. “Bucky, I said to go away!” He twisted when he heard the door opening, blinking up at Sam instead. 

“Sorry, I still have your key.” Sam gave him a warm smile, closing the door behind him. 

Steve melted back into the couch. “Ug, I told you to give that back already.” 

Sam perched on the other end of the couch, his eyes going soft. “You okay?” 

Steve sighed and closed his eyes. He and Sam were friends, he could even say that they were best friends, and while they always looked out for each other Sam almost never asked if he was okay. He must look worse than he thought. Their relationship was built more on mutual trust and understanding than sitting around and talking about feelings. Sam was great if he did need to talk, but he usually didn’t, and they let it drop. Steve was usually the one to come and sit with a worried expression and a soft “hey…” when someone was looking down.

“Not really, but I’ll survive.” 

“You’ve got yourself into a big mess here man.” 

Steve huffed but didn’t say anything more. 

“Whatever you decide to do, it’s your choice, but I’ll support you.” Sam was so always so earnest. 

Steve cracked a smile. “You’re the one always telling me I make terrible decisions.” 

Sam grinned at him. “You do, but someone’s gotta be there to call you on it.” 

Steve sat up slowly, his fingers brushing over his stomach. “I had a fight with Bucky. It was just too much… I couldn’t…” 

Sam touched his shoulder. “You don’t have to tell me. I just wanted to tell you I’m here for you. I know Natasha is too.”

Steve nodded, looking down at himself. “The baby started moving around a lot. I forgot how weird that is.” 

“Yeah?” Sam’s hand snuck out to touch Steve’s belly too and he barked a laugh when a kick was immediately aimed his way. “Guess it doesn’t like me much.” 

“He.” Steve smiled. “And I’m sure he does. He’s just grumpy today. He went crazy when Bucky was here, I thought he was going to shove all my organs out of his way on his way out my mouth.” 

Sam winced. “That sounds… kind of awful.” 

“Only kind of.” Steve snorted, pulling himself up. “I don’t know what to do about Bucky, but I have to do something.” 

“You’re almost to eight months now right? You could just stay here until you’re done.” 

Steve stared at him until Sam threw his hands up in surrender. “I was just suggesting. That seemed to be what you were doing when I got here.” 

“Yeah, you’re right…” Steve sighed. He could just hide from Bucky until it was over; it was only a month, a month and a half at most. “But I won’t.”  
Sam ran his hands over his face, a sigh leaving his chest. “He’s a good man. I can’t tell you anything much, patient confidentiality and all, but he’s a good man. He’s… He has a lot of insecurities since he came back, being different, but that’s not really surprising.”  
Steve stared at him. Sam had never offered up information like this. He knew that Sam and Bucky knew each other through the VA, but when Steve had asked before Sam had immediately shut him down. 

“He’s a pain in the ass, but in a sibling way, kind of like your dumb-ass.” Sam looked up at him. “I really clicked with him right away, so I know what he’s like. I can see why you like him. I know this probably isn’t what you want to hear, but you deserve to know.”

Steve snorted. “It sounds like your giving him your blessing.” 

Sam stood, giving him another good-natured smile. “Oh hell no, he’s nowhere near good enough for you, but it’s your choice to take a hit.”

Steve couldn’t help but laugh, his head falling back as he clutched his chest. It wasn’t that funny, but with how terrible he’d been feeling he just couldn’t stop laughing. Once he’d regained control of himself Steve took a few deep breaths. “You want some lunch? I’m starved.” 

 

 

Even after the talk with Sam it still took Steve weeks to be able to gather up the courage to text Bucky. Not call him, not go to his apartment, just text him. He was almost to the end of his pregnancy and he was hiding like a child. He had to get it out now or he’d lose his chance. 

 

**You want to come over for dinner tonight? I think we need to talk about some stuff.**

 

He was usually more eloquent, but it got the job done. He dug through his cupboards to see what he even had to make for dinner, trying not to check his phone every few minutes and failing miserably. It takes Bucky hours to reply. 

 

**See you at 7**

 

It’s even more clipped than Steve’s message had been, and instead of setting him on edge like he had expected he felt a strange sense of calm settle over him. They could settle whatever this was between them, get everything out and Steve could get himself rejected with a clear conscious. It still made him feel hollowed out, but he felt like he could deal with it now, all he could do was tell Bucky how he felt, he couldn’t force him to want to be his mate.

Bucky was late. It was almost 7:30, and he still wasn’t here. Steve had dissolved into a huge pile of nerves at about 6, and now he felt as bad as he had the first few months of his pregnancy. He’d actually managed to pick at a spot on his cheek until he was bleeding. There was no way that Bucky was still coming. Something must have come up, or maybe he’d never intended to come. Steve mentally berated himself for not giving Bucky more warning, what if he had something important today? 

He nearly jumped out of his skin when there was a knock on his door, rushing over to open it and staring at the man on the other side. 

It was Bucky, but it was nothing like the Bucky he’d seen. He was decked out in black from head to toe, knee-high black combat boots and black military-grade pants hugging his thighs and leaving little to the imagination, topped off with a jacket with so many straps Steve couldn’t help but think straight jacket. What made Bucky look more foreign than anything as the dull look in his eyes, like someone had scooped him out and left him empty. 

“Steve…” Even his voice sounded different, hoarse like he’d been screaming. “Sorry I’m late…” 

Steve continued to stare at him, his eyes immediately drawn to the glint of Bucky’s metal arm against the stark black of the rest of his outfit. He hadn’t seen this much of it before, and it really was mesmerizing, beautiful in the way that an assault rifle was beautiful. 

Bucky looked down at himself and seemed to come out of his trance, his eyes focusing as he licked his lips in the way he always did when he was nervous. “Sorry, I didn’t have time to go home and change.” 

Steve didn’t know what to say, but when he opened his mouth words tumbled out anyway. “I thought you said you were a mechanic.” 

Bucky looked up at him and laughed, pushing his hair back with his metal hand as he tried to control himself. “I am a mechanic. I told you I got a second job to save up money. This is… It’s an army thing.” He sounded a bit haunted again, and he was plucking at his jacket like it really was strangling him. 

“Well let’s get you something else to wear and eat before the food gets cold, huh?” Steve had a lot else to say, but he had to take care of Bucky first. He felt like he would always be putting others first, and he didn’t mind so much if it was Bucky. 

Bucky followed him in silently. He radiated anxiety and Steve wasn’t sure what to do with this new information. He’d only caught glimpses of this Bucky, and he was struggling to wrap himself around it. Was this the real Bucky? Or was it the bright boisterous science nerd that could spout off the names of all the moons of Jupiter without being prompted? Maybe it was a bit of both. 

Steve left Bucky to change after digging out some clothes for him, reheating their dinner so that it was nice and hot once more and even turning on the old record player that he’d dug out of storage. He’d discovered by accident that the baby liked it when he played old Swing, not that he could blame him, most of what he had fit into that category. 

“You really are an old man. Listening to a record player of all things.” 

Steve turned, giving Bucky a small smile. He looked better in one of Steve’s shirts and a pair of his sweatpants, no longer looking like he wanted to crawl out of his own skin. 

“Shut up, the baby likes it.” He brushed his fingers over his belly, the baby wiggling a bit as the music played. 

“Oh really? It’s been moving?” Bucky rushed over to him, immediately cupping both hands over Steve’s belly. The metal one was cool, cold enough that Steve could feel it through his shirt. 

“Ah, yeah, he’s been moving around a lot for… a few weeks now.” Steve felt guilty, he should have been able to share this with Bucky, but instead he had hid and pouted. 

“Wow, that’s amazing.” Bucky rubbed his thumb in gentle circles, a gentle smile on his lips. God, he was beautiful. 

Steve immediately pulled away, embarrassed and angry at himself for letting his thoughts about Bucky stray again. 

Bucky didn’t seem to mind, shoving both hands in his pockets. “Sorry I was so late. The uh, the job they wanted me to do took longer than expected.” 

Steve was glad to have something else to talk about, turning to switch the plates in the microwave. “What were you doing? That was quite the outfit.” 

Bucky dropped his gaze. “In the army I was… I was a sniper. I usually worked alone or at least separate from the rest of my unit. The only reason I was with the rest of them when…” His left hand twitched against his side. “Well I was checking in on them and helping them scout a building when I saw an IED in the road, I pushed one of the other guys out of the way, but I was too close.” His voice had gotten smaller and smaller as he spoke, until it was a pained whisper. 

“Bucky…” 

“No, it’s important.” Bucky looked up at him. “I got sent home because I got injured, even got a purple heart.” He shrugged. “Guess I never got over working alone and these guys approached me a few months back. It’s pretty simple stuff, just recon, but it pays well, and I’m good at it. But after tonight I’m done.” His eyes had gotten hard again and his hands were clenched in fists. “I’m not bringing my child into a world where I can’t commit completely to them, so after tonight I’m done. I’ll keep on as a mechanic, I already talked to my boss and he agreed to give me three whole months leave.” 

“That’s great, Buck.” Steve felt his heart squeeze painfully. Bucky had just shared a lot with him, and he knew he should share something in return, but he was afraid. It wasn’t like he’d been in a war; he had no basis of comparison to what Bucky had been through. 

“I tried to join the army.” He took the plates to the table, handing Bucky a fork to dig in. 

“I can’t see why on earth they wouldn’t take you.” Bucky said around a mouthful of food. “I mean you’re…” He gestured with his fork, a piece of chicken wobbling dangerously as he waved it around. 

Steve laughed. “I wasn’t always. I used to be tiny and sickly. I told you that, didn’t I?” 

Bucky nodded. “I remember. You said you got some sort of fertility drug that made you big.” 

Steve shoved his food around his plate. “When the army wouldn’t take me I became really frustrated. I knew I wanted to help people, do something with my life that would make a difference. I decided on being a nurse, that’s what my mom was. I figured I could help people like she did. When I did my rotation in the maternity ward I got a lot of hands-on experience with expectant mothers, even met a few surrogates. The smiles on their faces were some of the brightest I ever saw. I knew as soon as I saw them that that’s what I wanted to do. I knew the program would never take me as I was, but as soon as I started looking into it I got approached with the trial. I jumped on the opportunity, didn’t care about the risks. It turned out better than I could have imagined.” 

Bucky had nearly polished off his plate when Steve looked up. 

“Sorry to talk you ear off. There’s plenty more if you’re still hungry.” 

Bucky gave him that painfully gentle smile again. “Don’t worry. I think it’s really cool.” 

Steve flushed. “Well I’m not a sniper or anything.” 

Bucky waved his metal arm. “It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.” 

They continued to eat in amiable silence; Steve feeling more relaxed than he had in months. This was why he had fallen so hard to Bucky. It wasn’t just that he was beautiful and charming, he was easy to spend time with, and Steve could genuinely see them doing even the most mundane things happily. God, he was such a sap.

Bucky grabbed their plates once they were empty, ignoring Steve’s protests and insisting to wash them. 

“You made dinner, now go sit down and let me wash these.” 

Steve wanted to argue, but he was feeling exhausted already. He had to find a way to approach the subject of his feelings with Bucky. How did someone do that? He’d never exactly had to tell someone that he was madly in love with them, let alone when there was so much tangled up between the two of them. How was he going to feel when Bucky rejected him? He knew he would tell him anyway. If he didn’t get it out in the open it would eat him from the inside out like it had been since the first day he’d met the beautiful alpha. 

The record ended and Steve walked over to flip it to the other side, humming along as he picked up the living room to give himself something to do. 

Bucky leaned against the wall and watched Steve clean, it took him more than a few minutes to notice he was there. 

“Don’t just stand there, you’re making me uncomfortable.” Steve didn’t mean to sound snappish, but he was more than on-edge. 

“Sorry I uh…” Bucky ran his fingers through his hair, looking uncomfortable as well. 

“Listen, uh, I invited you over because I have to tell you something.” Steve squared his shoulders like he was readying himself for a fight. He didn’t know how to approach telling someone you were stupidly in love with them, but here he was. 

Bucky was looking at him with that tender expression again, the one that made Steve’s insides turn to goo. Taking a deep breath Steve crossed the room, standing resolutely in front of the alpha and trying to get his thoughts straight. 

“Bucky I really-” There was a rush of wetness between his legs and Steve thought for a terrible moment that he had wet himself. An undignified noise left his throat when he looked down at himself. “Wha-?” The next moment had him arching his back in pain. 

“Oh God, Steve, I think your water broke.” Bucky’s voice was tight with concern.

Steve bit down on his lip so hard he tasted blood. “It’s still too early, I have more than two weeks!”

“Don’t think you’re getting a choice here, we gotta get you to the hospital.” Bucky still sounded mostly calm, but he was trying to put his boots on the wrong feet. Steve wanted to help him but he had no idea how soon his contractions would start. 

“Fuck, call a cab, I’ll get everything.” He made sure that Bucky got his phone out before he wandered to get his bag of hospital stuff. 

The cab ride to the hospital was a blur. Steve couldn’t focus on anything besides the fact that he was going to have to force something the size of a small watermelon out of his body soon. It was early, not dangerously so, but still early, and that could be a problem. It also meant that he was done with Bucky. 

He’d screwed up his last chance to say something to the man he had completely fallen in love with. He was probably never going to see Bucky again after today. Thankfully he managed not to cry. 

Nurses surrounded them once Bucky got them inside, settling Steve into a wheelchair. 

“We’ll get you set up right away.” One of them promised, pushing him through the halls. Steve could see Bucky trailing after them, looking lost and confused but hopeful all at the same time. 

“Not you, you can’t come in.” Steve blinked at the nurse when she rounded on Bucky. “He’s too far along now for us to do this normally, you’ll just get in the way.” 

“But he’s the father-” Steve protested before he arched up in pain again. That was a real contraction; fuck they didn’t have time for this. 

“You’re not mated, so he can’t come in. Rules are rules.” The nurse didn’t say anything else to Bucky before she wheeled Steve into an exam room and closed it in the alpha’s face. Steve couldn't turn his head fast enough to see him, but he knew the exact look of hurt that would surely be in Bucky's eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two are big idiots who are so obviously in love with each other. I had a lot planned for this and it played out a lot differently than I expected, but it felt better this way than the way I had originally planned it.  
> I don't write birth scenes, and I will continue to not write birth scenes, so if you were hoping for it to be included sorry to disappoint. Next chapter will be the fallout plus baby! I don't have a name picked yet, though I have a few ideas. Anyone have any ideas?


	4. The One With The Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky makes some big decisions, and so does Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter is from Bucky's POV, I always found it easier to write as him and as such this chapter came a lot easier to me.

Bucky stalked the halls of the maternity ward, growling at anyone that he came across until the hospital security showed up to tell him to cool it. He told them exactly where they could shove it, but went to sit in the waiting room before they kicked him out. There wasn’t a time he could remember being this angry. 

He was literally missing the birth of his son because the nurse had closed the door in his face. So he and Steve weren’t mated, what about other surrogate pairs? Was this commonplace? 

“Mr. Barnes?” 

Bucky jumped when someone spoke gently from his left. He hadn’t noticed anyone come up to him. “Ah, yes?” He tried to hide his moment of spaciness with a smile he hoped was charming. The nurse didn’t seem to care either way. 

“Your son is just getting cleaned up now, would you like to see him?” 

Bucky felt like he was going to pass out. He knew that this was the endgame from the beginning but the thought of actually holding his baby in his arms was almost too much. He mutely followed the nurse through the double doors and a twisting maze of halls. 

“How is Steve? Uh, Mr. Rogers.” 

“Oh, He’s fine, just recovering now. His labor was very short, he’s lucky.” She didn’t say anything more before opening yet another door. “I’ll go and get your son. Please wait here.” 

The room was mostly bare, but there was a comfortable-looking chair that Bucky gratefully sank into. Steve was okay? He wanted to see him. Could he see him? Would that be weird? Steve’s job was technically done, and Bucky didn’t have to speak to him ever again unless he wanted to. The thought made his chest ache. They had spent a lot of time together, when they weren’t fighting, and Bucky had gotten very used to having Steve around him. He knew there was something between them, and he desperately hoped that this wasn’t the last time he’d see Steve. 

His thoughts were dashed when the nurse returned with a bundle of blankets in her arms. Jumping up from his seat he held his arms out to gingerly take it from her. 

“He’s so tiny…” He whispered more to himself than anything, peering down into that tiny and squished little face. 

“He was two weeks early, he’s very healthy but he’ll be a little small. Again, you’re lucky.” 

Bucky resisted the urge to snarl at her. He damn well knew he was lucky. How could he be any luckier than to have exactly what he wanted? 

The baby burbled quietly in his arms and Bucky looked down again, his face splitting into a grin. “Hey there handsome.” He was sure that he had never seen anything more beautiful in his life. 

“I’ll leave you to it then. There’s just a few things to settle before you can take him home.” The nurse closed the door behind her but Bucky didn’t even look up, settling into the chair. 

“I’m you dad, sorry I wasn’t around as much as I should have been, but I’ll be around until you’re sick of me now.” He couldn’t stop smiling; his face was staring to hurt. “You already know Steve. Did he get to see you?” The thought hadn’t even crossed his mind before, but had they let Steve see his son before they took him away? “We’ll make sure he does.” 

The baby looked up at him with huge blue eyes, burbling very quietly. Bucky wasn’t sure what he’d expected, but he was glad that they could both be calm for at least one moment. Honestly he was freaking out, this tiny little baby was already the center of his world, and he was going to have to not screw it up.

“I should have asked what he wanted to name you. That’s fair isn’t it? He carried you for all this time.” 

_And I’m taking you away._

Bucky hadn’t expected this to be so hard. Surely Steve knew how this worked; he’d said he’d done it before. How was he supposed to do this without Steve though? Throughout the whole ordeal Steve had been there, and he’d always been calm and knowledgeable. He’d been insistent to tell Bucky something before he’d gone into labor, what was it? 

Pulling himself up Bucky carefully shifted the bundle in his arms, cooing softly to calm the baby when it fussed at being jostled. 

“Let’s go talk to Steve, okay?” 

He pushed the door open; baby nestled carefully in his flesh arm. Contrary to what the nurses clearly thought of him he had dealt with babies before. His sisters had a pack of their own and he’d spent a lot of time with them. Of course it was different when it was his baby, but babies were babies, they generally operated in the same way. 

The nurse from before rushed up to him, her brow pinched. “Sir, can I help you?” 

“Yes, you can. I need to know what room Mr. Steve Rogers is in.” 

“Mr. Rogers is in recovery, I’m sure that he will be fine if-”

“If you won’t tell me then I’ll find someone who will. Or I’ll just go knocking until I find him.” Bucky didn’t want to be rude, but he was already tired of these nurses looking down on him. He did not have the patience for them, not today. 

“He’s in room 1045, down that hall and to the left.” She pointed, her lips a tight, thin line of annoyance.

“Thank you.” Bucky shifted the baby to both arms again and headed down the hall. 

It only took him a minute to find Steve’s room. He steeled himself for a long moment before pushing the door open. 

Steve was sleeping, he looked completely wiped, not that Bucky could blame him, he had just pushed a whole human out of his body. The baby burbled more loudly, wiggling a bit. Bucky didn’t want to wake Steve, but the baby made the decision for him by breaking into sudden and full-blown sobs. 

Steve jerked awake, his eyes hazy as he tried to orient himself. Bucky immediately tried to hush the screeching baby in his arms, anxiety that he’d been holding at bay jumping on him and leaving him close to shaking. 

“Bucky? What-?” 

Bucky fussed over the baby, not meaning to ignore Steve but completely doing it anyway. After a moment of shifting and squirming the baby settled again, thank God. 

“Bucky, why are you here?” Steve sounded as exhausted as he looked, his expression guarded. 

Bucky looked up at him. “I figured you’d want to see our son. I wasn’t sure if you got to see him before they took him away.” 

Steve was crying. Bucky wasn’t sure he was even aware of the tears that were slipping silently down his cheeks, as soon as he noticed them Steve ducked his head, scrubbing at his face with the back of his arm. 

“S-sorry I- it’s always hard after, I always get really hormonal and emotional.” Steve’s voice was thick with tears as he continued to hide his face. 

“Stevie, don’t cry.” Bucky crossed over to him, careful not to jostle the baby. “I didn’t mean to make you cry, I just…” 

Steve snorted, laughing through the tears that still dribbled down his cheeks. “Stevie is a chubby 12 year old name.” 

“Well you’re acting like a 12 year old, crying and laughing at the same time.” Bucky shot back. “Now do you want to see your son or not?” 

“Please…” Steve held out his arms, his eyes screaming insecurity even as Bucky carefully settled their son into his arms. 

“Careful of his head.” 

Steve looked down, his expression going soft as he admired his son. Bucky felt his chest tighten and he struggled to breathe for a moment. God, this was his little family. 

But it wasn’t. The thought scooped the warm feeling out of his chest immediately. What was he doing? How was he supposed to take his baby home without Steve? 

“He’s so beautiful.” Steve sounded breathless, more tears threatening to drip down his cheeks. 

“Told you we’d make cute kids.” Bucky knew that joking wasn’t the best coping mechanism, but really it was all he had right now. The way Steve was looking at him made him want to do something stupid, like kiss him.

“You were right.” Steve looked back down at the burbling baby in his arms. He looked about ready to dose off, his tiny hand curled tight around one of Steve’s fingers. “He’s so small…” 

“The nurse said that’s because he was early. But he’s perfectly healthy, she reminded me several times that we were lucky.” Bucky moved to sit on the edge of Steve’s bed. 

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry that they wouldn’t let you be there too.” 

Bucky had to resist the urge to touch Steve’s face. “It’s not your fault. He’s here healthy and happy, you did great.” 

Steve’s expression got sad again, and he looked back down at their now-sleeping baby. “Thank you for bringing him to see me, but you should take him home. My, well, my job is kind of over.” 

“Do you want me to take him? I will if you want me to.” Bucky wasn’t sure what he was doing, but he knew that he couldn’t let Steve dismiss them both like that, dismiss himself. “We can stay as long as you need.”

“Bucky…” 

“No Steve, listen, please?” Bucky reached for him, touching his hand. “You know that it’s not right for us to end it like this.” 

Steve pulled away, the hurt written plainly on his face. “Bucky, I did my job. I don’t need you making this harder for me than it is.” He shifted the baby in his arms, holding him out for Bucky to take. “I’m a surrogate. You hired me because you wanted a baby. You said so yourself, just a baby, not a mate.”

Bucky felt like his heart was being torn out of his chest. Had he been wrong? Did Steve really not feel anything between them? He cuddled the baby to his chest. 

“Steve…” 

“No Bucky. Please, just go.” 

“ **I won’t!** " Bucky hadn’t meant to be so loud, Steve jumped and the baby, startled as well, started crying again. “Shit, I’m sorry, please don’t cry little one.” 

Getting the baby calmed down a second time was much more difficult. Steve wouldn’t look at him, his shoulders hunched like he wanted to disappear. 

A nurse came in to check on them, looking concerned. “Sir, do you want me to-”

“We’re fine.” Bucky looked up to see Steve giving her a very cold look. 

“Uh yeah, sorry, we’ve got it under control. Could we get a bassinet though? As much as I’m enjoying holding him my arm is going to sleep.” Bucky shifted the baby in his grip, not trusting the dexterity of his metal arm quite as much. 

The nurse gave a silent nod and disappeared back into the hallway.

Once the nurse returned Bucky carefully set the baby down, making sure he was comfortable and wouldn’t get too caught up in his blankets. He immediately calmed down, blinking up at him. 

“He’s so quiet.” Steve remarked, his gaze stuck on the baby again. 

“Yeah, he’s a good boy.” Bucky couldn’t help but smile.

Steve was looking uncomfortable again, his gaze flitting around the room and anywhere but Bucky.

“I meant it. We can stay as long as you need to get better.” Bucky resisted the urge to take Steve’s hand, knowing that wasn’t very fair. “Then you can come home with us.”

“Bucky, why are you doing this? You’re just making it harder for us both.” 

“Because I- I care about you. I don’t just want to take our son and disappear from your life.” 

“But that’s what-”

“I know that’s what we agreed on, but things change. I figured I’d have both arms my whole life, be married with a mate and a life of my own by now. Life isn’t always black and white. Why don’t you do something selfish for a change?” The words came out in a rush, but Bucky meant them. Had Steve ever done one selfish thing in his whole life? He was always talking about how he wanted to help people, he’d clearly sacrificed a lot to do that, and he was still doing it. 

“It’s not that simple Bucky.” Steve was trying to put on his brave face, but Bucky could see through him.

“It is that simple. I know this isn’t perfect circumstances, but we have a son together now, you’re saying you’re completely fine with never seeing him again?” Bucky knew it was a low blow, but if it worked then great. 

“No… I’m not fine with it, but I don’t have a lot of choice.” 

“You do. I’m not saying we have to be mates, but if, y’know, you wanted to try going out some time, we could. Please don’t make our son lose a chance to know you.”

Steve was clearly trying not to cry again. He was an emotional guy, but Bucky figured that he didn’t do a lot of crying on a normal day. Today wasn’t exactly a normal day though.

“I can…I want to try.” Steve’s fingers found Bucky’s and they twined together. “I really like you Bucky.”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner then, punk?”

“I was trying to tell you before I suddenly went into labor, jerk.” 

“I was wondering, what should we name him?” Bucky turned his gaze over to the little bundle next to them. 

“You want me to decide?” Steve blinked at him. 

“Figured it could be a team effort. We don’t have to decide right this second.”

 

 

They stay at the hospital for two days, the nurses milling around them to check on Steve and the baby until they’re discharged. Bucky tried his best to stay out of the way, bouncing ideas for names off Steve when he wasn’t resting. They were having a hard time deciding on one afterall. 

It isn’t until Bucky was driving them home, their baby tucked safely in a car seat in the back, with Steve tucked in beside him that Bucky felt the full weight of everything crashing down on him. Watching Steve in the rearview mirror he could see the adoration in his eyes. There was no way that they could be separate after this. They were just going to have to make it work.

“What about Calvin?” Steve flicked his gaze to meet Bucky’s in the mirror. “And keep your eyes on the road.” 

“Like the underwear company?” Bucky snorted, looking out through the windshield again. “I was using my peripheral vision, calm down.” 

“We’re never going to pick a name if you immediately shoot down every one I suggest.” Steve carefully extracted their son once they reached Bucky’s building, making sure he was wrapped up securely while Bucky grabbed what seemed like 8 tons of baby stuff from the trunk. “If you don’t at least consider some of them I’ll start coming up with really bad ones. Like _James_.” 

Bucky resisted the urge to hit him with the duffle bag he was holding. “There’s nothing wrong with my name.” 

“You hate when people call you James, you told me so.” 

“Doesn’t mean I hate the name completely. But we’re not naming him after me, only douchebags name their kids after themselves.” Bucky held the door for them, trying to fish his keys out of his pocket as they made their way up the stairs. 

“Fine, you come up with something then.” Steve brushed his thumb over the baby’s cheek, the soft smile back on his lips.

Bucky stopped, looking down at their son. “David. We can call him Davie, he’ll match you.” Bucky pulled his gaze up, his stomach swooping suddenly at the look Steve was giving him. 

_Love._ That was love. He’d seen it when Steve was looking at their son, but never directed toward him before. 

“Yeah, David is great.” Steve leaned in, brushing his lips against the side of Bucky’s mouth. “Open the door jerk.” 

“Punk.” Bucky muttered to himself, recovering quickly from the shock and pulling the door open. The apartment was dark, but decidedly less sterile than the first time Steve had been here. The road noise was low today and there was a blanket thrown haphazardly over the back of the couch. It was the beginning of a home, but everything had to start somewhere. “Welcome home, David.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short section but I'm very happy with it! There will most likely be one or two more chapters after this, wrapping everything up and letting everyone react to the craziness. Thanks for sticking with me!


	5. The One That's Not the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve faces his insecurities, and his friends. I also lowered the rating since I realized that literally nothing happens to warrant it. I don't know what I was thinking tbh.

Having a newborn is not glamorous. Steve wrongfully assumed that, after having 5 children, he would have some soft of natural affinity to taking care of a baby. He had never been more wrong in his life. David was a good little boy, quiet unless he needed something, usually content to cuddle and burble quietly, usually sucking on his foot. 

Until Steve tried to go home at night. 

He’d stayed over the first night, both he and Bucky exhausted and emotionally drained from everything that had happened. Things were still painfully awkward between them, David wasn’t some magical mend-all cure for their feelings, but at least he’d broken the ice. Steve had become a master at the not-looking-at-Bucky game, focusing all his attention on David instead. When he’d tried to go home the next night, kissing David on the forehead before handing him to Bucky, the baby had started screaming. Not just crying or wibbling gently, screaming as loudly as his little lungs would let him. 

It took them nearly a half hour before they could get him calm again, both of them wearing identical looks of frustration and exhaustion. 

So Steve stayed for three days, keeping up a running streak of avoiding Bucky in the two-bedroom apartment, and trying not to think about everything they’d said to each other. 

It was supposed to be easier than this, right? They were supposed to fall together like puzzle pieces, and the sky would open up and sun would shine down on their little family forever. Too bad it wasn’t. Steve was angrier at himself than anything. He was being an asshole, too stubborn to admit and deal with his feelings for Bucky, even after promising that they could try. 

Thankfully Bucky didn’t push him. He seemed to be feeling just as awkward, but at least he knew what the hell he was doing with David. Bucky had mentioned having sisters with children, so he probably had at least a base level of experience, unlike Steve, who was apparently a moron in every way. 

He’d gotten three phone calls from Natasha and a few texts from Sam. He’d asked Bucky to take a picture of David to send to them. He couldn’t exactly hide this from his friends. Natasha had immediately called again, asking for details, but he’d just sent her a text in reply that he couldn’t talk. It wasn’t really a lie. It had been nearly a week since the hospital though, and he was going to have to come clean sooner than later. He couldn’t hide at Bucky’s forever. 

“He’s asleep, should be out for a few hours if you want to go home and get a change of clothes or something.” Bucky was digging in the fridge, though there wasn’t a whole lot in there.

Steve scratched at the back of his neck. “Thanks… I’ll uh, I’ll be back tonight. Let me know if something happens.” 

Bucky tore the foil off a container of yogurt, licking it off before tossing it toward the trash. He leaned against the counter, sizing Steve up. “I don’t want to pressure you, really, but how long are we gonna hide from each other in the same house?” 

Steve crossed his arm. “I’m not hiding. I’m focusing on David.” 

“Don’t give me that. We’re both doing what we can, but we’re also avoiding each other. I’m just as guilty of it.” He pulled open the drawer next to him to fish out a spoon. “I’m not above admitting when I’m wrong. But I know I wasn’t wrong about this. If you’re having second thoughts…” 

Steve felt his chest squeeze tightly. “I’m not, I just…” He struggled not to fidget. “I wasn’t exactly prepared for all this all at once. We haven’t even been out on a date and I’ve been living with you for the better part of a week.” 

Bucky contentedly ate his yogurt, raising an eyebrow at him. “You wanna go out then? I know it’s a little backwards but if that’s what you want we can do the normal date stuff.” 

Steve felt his hackles rise at Bucky’s dismissive tone. “I don’t need you going all protective on me now. We’re not mates, and I won’t have you treating me like I’m some wear thing that needs to be placated. I’ve had enough of that before.”

Bucky crossed the kitchen to stand resolutely in front of him. “You’re right, that was kind of dickish. I’m really not trying to placate you, I just want to know what you want. Seriously, I’ll do whatever you need me to do to make you feel secure and happy here.” Bucky’s hands twitched in the telltale way they always did when he wanted to touch Steve. He hadn’t done it since they’d had that failed attempt at dinner. 

“I think I just need to go home for a while. I at least need to check on my place and get some new clothes. I also have to do some damage control with my friends, or Natasha might just show up and put a knife to your throat or something.”

Bucky barked a laugh. “That’s fine. I’m the one that literally threw a crazy wrench into your life.” Bucky’s flesh hand came up to brush his thumb over Steve’s cheek. “Then maybe I can make us some dinner and we can watch a movie? Continue that date we had going before?” 

Steve flushed. “Yeah, I’d like that.” 

“I’ll take care of the little one. You go deal with real life.” Bucky turned to grab his yogurt again, sauntering into the livingroom. 

Steve threw his jacket over his shoulder as he headed down the hall, surprised by the ache at leaving David for even a few hours. Only a few days old and he already had Steve wrapped around his finger. At least he’d cleared the air with Bucky a little. Now he just had to deal with Sam and Natasha. He could already feel the look Sam would surely give him; he excelled at “you’re a huge idiot” looks.

To be fair Steve was kind of a huge idiot. 

Pulling his phone out of his pocket Steve debated whom he should call first. Natasha probably, Sam was less likely to actually kill him. 

“Steve oh my god, I was just about to come down to your place and beat some answers out of you.” 

“We both know you wouldn’t do that. Sorry I took so long to get in touch.” Steve examined the worn upholstery of the cab, trying not to notice the random stain on the other seat. 

“You should be more than sorry. You had your baby and I never even got a phone call or a text or anything? I should have you killed.” 

Steve couldn’t help but grin. “Everything turned out okay. Bucky was there and he got me to the hospital and everything was fine.” 

“What about him? I mean…” 

The cab stopped at a light, chewing at his lip Steve thought about what to say to her. 

“We’re, kind of going together now? It’s super awkward honestly. I mean we have a baby together and we’ve never even been out on a date.” 

“You always said you were so traditional, but here you are in this big mess.” Natasha was teasing him but Steve knew she was right. 

“I’ve been staying at his place. I’m going home to get some clothes and stuff. You wanna come and meet David? And Bucky too I guess.” He couldn’t help but smile. She and Bucky would surely get along. 

“Just try to keep me away. I demand more information once we can talk face to face. Did you call Sam?” 

“He’s next on the list.” 

“Good. Bye for now Steve.”

Steve had actually been more scared of Natasha’s reaction than Sam’s. Sam was probably just going to give him the “you’ve made your bed and now you have to lie in it” expression he was getting so good at. He waited impatiently while the phone rang, hoping that he wasn’t catching Sam while he was out running. 

“Hey man. Everything okay?” Leave it to Sam to cut right to it. 

“Yeah, I’m good. We’re having a baby-shower type thing tonight. You wanna come?” Steve knew that there were about a thousand things that Sam wanted to ask, but he appreciated him not asking. Sam was good at that.

“Sure. I’ll be there. I need to bring some macaroni salad or something?”

“Nah, we’ve got it. Maybe some beer if you want it. We don’t have any. I’ll send you the address.” 

“Dude, Natasha was about 10 minutes away of coming to find you and breaking whoever’s fingers were around your throat. She was pretty sure you were dead or something. Might have to do some damage control.”

“Thanks, I’ll keep it in mind. You didn’t worry about me of course?”

“I know your dumb ass can take care of yourself. Though I was about 5 minutes behind Natasha this time.”

“Thanks. I’ll see you tonight.” 

Steve clutched his phone to his chest, taking a breath and counting to 10. Everything was going to be alright, he could do this. 

He’d meant to spend a few hours running errands and gathering up the things he needed for his house, but instead he spent barely half an hour there before his separation anxiety drove him back toward Bucky’s. He was going to have to deal with that, but maybe not today. He pushed the door to Bucky’s apartment open, his arms full of his favorite quilt and a bag of new clothes slung over his shoulder. Closing the door as quietly as he could so that he wouldn’t wake David from his nap Steve took another deep breath. 

“Your friends on board?”  
Steve jumped; he hadn’t heard Bucky come up behind him. 

“Yeah, they’ll be here.” Steve realized belatedly that this was the closest they’d been to each other in a while. Steve had been playing “avoid Bucky” so long that it was hard to turn it off. He’d promised he could give their relationship a try, but he was still so scared.

“Hey, don’t look like that. I called Sam while I was in the hospital and I’m sure he told Natasha what was happening. Otherwise I’m sure they would have come in guns blazing long before now.”

Steve blinked at him. “You called them?”

“Yeah, they’re your friends, they were gonna be worried about you. Sent Sam a picture of David too.” Bucky leaned against the door, his slightly crooked smile making Steve’s heart skip in his chest.

“Guess I’m just a shit friend, not letting them know myself.” Steve sighed. 

Bucky reached for him, thinking better of it at the last second and snatching his hand back. “You’re not.” He said it so matter-of-fact that it made Steve blush. 

He wanted Bucky to touch him, the sudden realization left Steve reeling a bit. Of course he’d wanted Bucky to touch him before. Hell he’d fantasized about Bucky bending him over the couch the night after the first met, but this wasn’t the same. He just wanted the small comfortable touches that mates shared, taking solace in each other’s presence. Reaching out himself Steve touched Bucky’s cheek, dragging his thumb over the stubble and returning Bucky’s tender smile. He was having a really hard time remembering why he was afraid of their relationship. Everything had worked out so perfectly, right? Here he was with an alpha that cared about him, and a son that they could raise together. If he was being honest with himself it wasn’t Bucky’s feelings that he was scared of, he was afraid of the bone-deep certainty that Bucky was it for him. There was still a lot they didn’t know about each other; hell they hadn’t even kissed…

Leaning forward quickly Steve crossed that off the list in one smooth motion, pressing their lips together and swallowing the small surprised noise that Bucky made. 

God but Bucky’s lips were great, smooth and plush against his own as they kissed gently, Steve’s fingers sliding up to tangle in his soft hair and pull him closer. 

When they pulled apart Bucky leveled his gaze at him, his pupils already blown as his tongue flicked out to wet his lips.

 _Oh._ Steve had been purposefully avoiding thinking about what Bucky would look like with his lips slightly swollen from kissing, and here he was, beautiful and alluring and making his head swim with shockingly dirty thoughts. 

“Maybe after dinner with your friends we can iron some things out, huh?” Bucky’s tone was surprisingly level, but the glint in his eyes left no room for interpretation. 

“Yeah, I’d like that.” Steve flushed when Bucky leaned in to give him one more small kiss. 

“Good. Let’s get the house cleaned up for it then.” Bucky turned and disappeared into the livingroom. 

 

 

Steve was still reeling when Sam showed up, trying his best to seem un-distracted and probably failing. He stared openly when Sam and Bucky exchanged a clearly well-rehearsed handshake. Sam had said that Bucky was a pain in his ass, but he didn't realize that meant they were fast friends. Sam could have introduced him to Bucky a long time ago and then this mess would have been avoided. What other interesting people was Sam holding back on? 

“Got any other friends I should know about Wilson?” Steve huffed, hands on his hips. 

“Bucky’s not a friend. He’s an ass.” Bucky shoved Sam, going to check and see if David was awake. 

Sam plucked one of the beers from the 6-pack he’d brought before settling the rest in the fridge. “I never figured you’d end up in a situation like this.” He deftly snapped off the cap of his beer on the edge of the counter. “But I’m happy for you man.”

Steve sighed, deflating a bit. “Me either. I mean, I always wanted a mate, of course, but…” There was a lot more, but he wasn’t sure what to say. 

“So you guys are mates now?” Sam raised an eyebrow and Steve felt his cheeks bloom in a blush.

“No! I mean, we’re working our way toward it okay?” Steve crossed his arms, looking anywhere but his friend.

“Still happy for you man. Bucky though, you would pick someone like him.”

Steve plopped down onto the couch. “You said you couldn't tell me much about him, are you his therapist?" He knew Sam did mostly group therapy, but he spent extra time with anyone that he felt really needed it. 

Sam twisted the bottle of beer in his hands. “You should let him tell you about it Steve. He’s a lot better off than most of the guys I meet, even with the arm to deal with, but he’s still got the same stuff we all have.”

Steve didn’t press, knowing Sam well enough to know when it was something he didn’t want to elaborate on. He didn’t want to push Bucky either. 

Thankfully Bucky saved him from having to say anything more by returning with an armful of their son. Steve couldn’t help but grin. He was a little biased, but he was convinced that David was the cutest baby ever. 

“Sam, this is David.” Steve stood, taking him from Bucky and pressing a kiss to his chubby cheek. 

Sam was grinning the same kind of dopey grin that Steve was sure he had on his face. “He’s beautiful Steve. Can I hold him?” He set his beer carefully on the coffee table and held out his arms, his expression going soft when Steve handed David to him. 

Bucky brushed his fingers down Steve’s arm as he settled on the couch next to Sam. The touch was gentle and reassuring in a way that left Steve feeling a little light-headed. He didn’t have much time to revel in it though before there was another knock on the door. 

Natasha threw her arms around his neck in a rather uncharacteristic display, squeezing him tightly before she even greeted him.

“Hello to you too. Did I die or something?” Steve chuckled, reaching to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. 

“You may as well have. I haven’t heard a peep from you in days! I should kick you ass.” She huffed, breezing past him and into the apartment. 

Bucky stood up quickly, looking a little unsure of what to do with Natasha. From the look Sam gave Steve he’d had a bit of warning about her.

“So you’re Bucky. God forbid Steve introduce me to a guy before they’re practically joined at the hip.” Natasha regarded him cooly, but she turned to give Steve a wink before focusing her attention on Sam and David. “Oh you are just as cute as can be.” She slid into the spot that Bucky had been occupying, letting David reach out and play with her necklace. 

Buck breathed a sigh of relief, his shoulders losing some of their tension. He perched on the edge of the couch, the warm smile back on his lips.

Steve stood by the door, his heart so full he felt a bit chocked up. This was his little family now. David had an aunt and an uncle to love him too. Having Sam and Natasha there to support him was so much more than Steve had expected. Honestly all of this was more than Steve had ever imagined it would be. He blinked hard, willing himself not to get all emotional now. Damn pregnancy hormones were still there fucking with him. 

“Hey.” Bucky crossed over to him, his fingers brushing Steve’s cheek in the same way Steve had touched him before. “You okay?”

“Yeah Buck, I’m great.” Steve leaned into the touch, his cheeks a bit strained from smiling so much. This was his life now. Thank God. 

He still had plenty of insecurities, but he was working through them. The people around him were always going to be there for him, even if they were quick to point out what a moron he was most of the time. The anxiety he’d been feeling about his feelings for Bucky had evaporated suddenly, and he was more than excited to start something real between them. Bucky was definitely it for him, and he was almost sure that Bucky felt the same. David was going to have a good life, and Steve was ready to start it. 

“Hey fellas, quit looking like a bunch of moony teenagers and get me a beer won’t you?”

Steve gave Bucky a quick kiss before he stepped away again. “Sure Nat, whatever you want.”

Maybe this had started out as something to prove to himself, his own stubbornness willing him to do something that he knew was right when everyone else was telling him otherwise. He needed to listen to his gut as much now as he had then. Now he had a whole new thing to prove; that he could build a life for himself and this little family that he had made on his own. 

He was excited to try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will probably end up a series, because I definitely don't want to be done with this universe. There are a lot of things that are left open here, but I wanted it to be seen as a jumping-off point rather than a neatly tied up ending.Thank you to everyone for your support!


End file.
